Apr 10, 2025
To:Bubbles
> well imagine if you said a black teen would be good at basketball
I used the same example in my comment.
> I wanted to show an exaggerated view of the world where the Overton window had slid far enough that radical hatred is quietly accepted, and internalised.
And I think that's a fine decision for your novel. The problem here is that it comes out of nowhere. Yes, the students all shun and bully Asami. That's not too unusual in anime/manga/LN schools. The nail that sticks out gets hammered down. But until now, we never really saw any of that hatred internalized from Sayuri's perspective.
We saw that Asami had her own inferiority complex and wanted to hide who she was outside of school, but we never saw any evidence until now that this was a widespread societal problem, not an internal Asami problem. Like yes, Asami probably suffered some traumatic experiences which she internalized into self-loathing, so there's at least some minor problems out there, but until now, Sayuri has been mildly perplexed at Asami's behavior.
The vibe I got was more Asami hates herself, not everyone hates Asami. Thus, the feeling of whiplash. If not everyone's catphobic, then surely, a teacher was going to step in at any moment and correct Anna's behavior.
> And in my mind, glossing over the debate and dissection of this is a signal that, well – this is fine. Everyone thinks catgirls are weird, and it's fine to slag them off. Even the people who, for better or for worse, claim or genuinely think they're allies. Even the catgirls themselves.
And because of what I wrote above, this didn't come across to me at all. Instead, I felt angry at Anna for being a terrible person and disappointed in Sayuri for failing to stand up for Asami, even though she demonstrated she could do it before. (And that's not necessarily bad. Getting readers to think and feel about their characters is a good thing.) I also didn't interpret the track club's acceptance of Asami as them thinking the situation's fine. Rather than seeing them as catphobic, I assumed they were just uncomfortable at having someone forced on them by a power-tripping disciplinary committee member.
That's something that happens every now and then. I do it all the time—not the sudden twist that everyone's more racist than previously explained, but having all the details of the world in your head, so when you write a story beat, it makes sense to you, but readers don't understand it or don't see it the same way.
That's one of the biggest challenges of writing. Maybe I'm off here, and it's just me, but sometimes an author needs others to point out when there's a communication issue like this.
As much as I'm still uncomfortable with the idea from a realism standpoint, I think depicting the godfather-like negotiations would actually help make the point you're trying to make here. Show the reactions of the track team. Demonstrate that pervasive catphobia. Show how it makes Asami feel, and her beaten-down acceptance of it. As is, it's leaving way too many gaps for the readers to fill in, and that's not great for such an important turning point in the plot.
> though honestly I don't believe this type of story needs a clear direction. The book I'm taking inspiration from is a published LN with 7 volumes in print and none of them have any big plot or huge thing to look for
That's fair (though maybe too ambitious for the writing contest). I'm familiar with the kinds of books you're talking about, typically more SoL romance deals. The thing is, the good ones always give off the impression that the author knows where the story is going. There is a point and an ending, but it's slow going, so enjoy the episodic ride. (Or, less commonly, they have a really strong narrative theme in lieu of direction). Part of this has always struck me as a strategy to adapt to how popular the story becomes. If it bombs, you can wrap it up in a couple volumes and move on to the next thing. If it's super popular, you can keep stringing the reader along until it wanes and then wrap it up. But in the back of their mind, the author always has the long-term character arcs and the ending in the back of their head.
