Steward McOy / Comments

Steward McOy

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Hobbyist writer, attempting to improve. Criticism welcome.

registered at: Jun 26, 2021

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aaa

Apr 22, 2025

Yee haw!

Capmon: Cyan Seas Version

Chapter:26

Apr 21, 2025

Hmm, yeah, that seems a bit extreme. Even if his motivation was to protect his sister, and it was kinda in self-defense after he got punched, there were probably multiple better options.

What is 'love' in Japanese, Iwasaki-kun?

Chapter:32

Apr 19, 2025

I know some of the fossil mons are awful competitively, but poor Zane got the worst one! The only ability worse than defeatist is truant.

Capmon: Cyan Seas Version

Chapter:23

Apr 18, 2025

Just me, or was Zane more competent that time?

Capmon: Cyan Seas Version

Chapter:22

Apr 16, 2025

You’re back writing again already? Way to shake off the loss. That’s some mental fortitude.

Food Truck in Space

Chapter:22

Apr 13, 2025

I bet wet electricity would feel really gross.

Capmon: Cyan Seas Version

Chapter:18

Apr 11, 2025

OK, yeah, when everyone’s bloodthirsty, I wouldn’t want to reveal a weakness either.

Capmon: Cyan Seas Version

Chapter:16

Apr 11, 2025

I like JAXA. They perform important work shooting asteroids with bombs. Gotta show those space rocks who’s in charge around here.

(You might want to do an editing pass over the first part of this chapter. Before the break.)

What is 'love' in Japanese, Iwasaki-kun?

Chapter:25

Apr 10, 2025

Shouldn’t she tell someone what’s been happening to her?

Capmon: Cyan Seas Version

Chapter:15

Apr 10, 2025

Twiglo remains the best. Shedinja wishes it were that cool.

Capmon: Cyan Seas Version

Chapter:14

Apr 10, 2025

Falling for a daki-hugging otaku? I guess love truly is blind. 😜

What is 'love' in Japanese, Iwasaki-kun?

Chapter:24

Apr 07, 2025

To:Pope Evaristus

Thank you very much. That makes me happy to hear. I felt like you were getting into some really interesting politics in Urugano!, and to a sillier extent, And I Feel Fine.

The little sister army was very much inspired by the Tachikoma from Ghost in the Shell. It was one of the model works posted in Discord. A lot of this story was an attempt to look at the contest guidelines, the model works, and the two works that Wit's manga team has published so far and try to come up with something that would satisfy all three. Unfortunately, you know how it turned out.

Xyrite

Chapter:12

Apr 05, 2025

back to constructive criticism. I think you front-loaded a lot of narrative lore dumping into this chapter, and you could paint a much richer picture by weaving the important details into the action, especially when it came to the stadium.

For example, you could replace the four paragraphs beginning with "The Potheel Stadium" with something like:

Zane craned his neck to look up in awe at the large arched doorway as we entered the stadium, but I just yawned. Cracks and dirt along the walls betrayed the stadium's age. Long gone were the glory days when it hosted the Capmon World Cup. Even the advertisements for Potheel Pharmaceutical pinned to the walls were tattered and faded, showing just how little its title sponsor cared for the stadium these days.

As we lined up behind the dozen or so nobodies here to challenge the Badge Trainer, allowed my gaze to wander across the stands, remembering how packed they had been for one of my final matches on the road to the championship. Men and women of all ages packed into the seats, their excitement filling the stadium with an undeniable energy. Now, barely two hundred bored parents sat spread out among the stadium's forty thousand seats.

Capmon: Cyan Seas Version

Chapter:8

Apr 05, 2025

I can't wait for the climactic scene where Squirm looks up at the assembly of contemptuous humans and proudly declares, "MY. NAME. IS. SQUIRM."

For now, Twigbo is my favorite character though.

Capmon: Cyan Seas Version

Chapter:7

Apr 04, 2025

A beach photoshoot, at 10 years old?!

Capmon: Cyan Seas Version

Chapter:5

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