Steward McOy / Comments

Steward McOy

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Hobbyist writer, attempting to improve. Criticism welcome.

registered at: Jun 26, 2021

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Apr 18, 2024

I don't actually have much to comment on for this chapter, but you certainly set a mood.

Urugano!

Chapter:5

Apr 18, 2024

I'm gay.

In all seriousness, I think you wrote really well in this chapter. While I'm personally not a fan of the trope that the queers are always checking guys out in the gym shower, that flashback served its purpose in terms of the narrative.

But not only did you get to the raw emotions and motivations of the characters, you carried the moment throughout the whole chapter. If you were to summarize the events that take place in this chapter, you could do it in like three sentences, but the way it's written doesn't feel stretched out at all.

That's a quality in writing I have a tough time emulating, but one I think is very important.

Panacea

Chapter:4

Apr 17, 2024

And Reds, huh? Looking forward to seeing that's true or just propaganda.

Crying emoji because I remember all too well what it was like to be a teenager desperate to do something extraordinary in life, especially if you flame out at your peak. Not like all these adults that bought into the system and now can only reminisce about their youth. And I'm having a hard time refuting the argument that cartoons are weak for the soul, no matter how much Cowboy Bebop references make me smile.

Urugano!

Chapter:4

Apr 17, 2024

To:Lihinel

I've really tried to find out. At first I thought it was because I was #1 in the sci-fi and GL categories when those rolled out to the front page. But that wasn't true every week. It dipped out of the top 3 one week, but shot right back up, while the books that displaced it have not.

I really wish I could figure out what's driving so many views to the TOC but not the chapters so I could do something about it.

The Hoshinauts

Chapter:14

Apr 16, 2024

Cat!

You make a good point about why a history CGDCT would be difficult to pull off, and I did have a painful laugh at the Philippine-American War example, but I think there's a way to make it work. Hear me out.

The club is 4-5 fujoshi who read about historical men and fantasize about them getting steamy with the men who are close to them, only to later find out it really happened, like King James and George Villiers.

Actually, this seems like a gag that would get old pretty quick, but you could at least get a few episodes out of it.

It's very interesting reading this after reading your other work and seeing some common themes, but even when the themes are common, you manage to change the perspective in ways that makes me think of them differently. I hadn't stopped to consider how someone on an island that just stops would consider land-based borders to be strange, for example.

Urugano!

Chapter:3

Apr 16, 2024

To:Pope Evaristus

Somehow, it feels my brain is holding onto the wrong memories if I can't remember Turner, but I can remember some Japanese cabinet minister.

And Naruto? I've heard of that guy. Germans tell me he stands with his ninja clan.

Urugano!

Chapter:2

Apr 15, 2024

That's quite the cast of characters, and I'm guessing a lot of references I didn't get. I got All Along the Watchtower, Men at Work, I know that Shikishima and Tosa are pre-WW2 battleships, and obviously, I know what mahou shoujo, nakayoshi, and gokiburi mean.

Is "Kano Kyoko" supposed to sound similar to "Yoko Kanno"? And Goto… Aside from Patlabor, I feel like there's some association with someone named Goto and money in the back of my head. Maybe some Japanese politician?

Please don't feel like I'm asking you to point out all the ones I missed.

(And speaking of Patlabor, I do have to admit the floating island setting did remind me of the first movie, even though it's not quite the same thing.)

And quite an ominous ending there. Good hook.

Urugano!

Chapter:2

Apr 15, 2024

To:Pope Evaristus

Yeah, still hanging in there, trying to get that writing spark back and struggling against a life schedule that seems like it's trying to take away any long stretches of time where I can focus deeply on it. Who knows? Maybe the HF contest this summer will help.

Anyway, I was super glad to see this pop up in my email notifications. Congrats on getting back to writing.

Urugano!

Chapter:1

Apr 15, 2024

To:Lihinel

This was the first explicit mention of the reactors being both nuclear and magical. It's not something readers are supposed to guess ahead of time. The idea is to introduce the story as if it's a harder sci-fi, and have the reader get to this point not realizing that there's magic. Then this chapter happens, and you realize that all the characters have known that magic exists in this world all along, and to think about how that knowledge may have affected their motivations and actions to this point.

The Hoshinauts

Chapter:9

Apr 15, 2024

To:Lihinel

Pretty much.

The Hoshinauts

Chapter:6

Apr 14, 2024

Nice first chapter! At the beginning, I thought it seemed kinda standard, and then the floating island was introduced, and I ended up spending time researching how feasible that is, whether they actually wouldn't notice the island bobbing on the waves.

And then that heart skipping a beat line. I immediately thought, "But that's forbidden love!" My GL goggles activated, and then bam, there was the line. My headspace was so 100% in sync with Fuumi's that I really felt the disconnect with Sanada's next words. It was like I was experiencing the entire confession through Fuumi's POV.

And as to that confession itself, hilarious, though if I were the one making it, I definitely would not go into so much detail.

Urugano!

Chapter:1

Apr 14, 2024

To:Bubbles

In Chapter 1, Oliver says, "Think of something very gay. And I'm not talking billionaire CEO meets twink undersecretary, none of that degenerate shit. More classic, you know? Like Elton John, Bowie, and Prince."

In my mind, that established a gayness scale from Elton John to CEO BL fics. One being your classic flamboyant gay, and your other being the current flavor of the week for BL fujoshis.

Oliver obviously thinks going to this magical girl club is all the way on the Elton John side of the scale, but I think it's not _quite_ all the way over on that side. But regardless, what Oliver promised (flamboyant gayness) ended up being something a bit different.

Did that make any more sense?

Panacea

Chapter:3

Apr 14, 2024

Ever since I re-read the revised first chapter, I've been trying to decide where I would personally put boys in a magical girl club on your scale of Elton John to BL CEO. Definitely closer to Elton John, but not all the way there.

At this point in the story though, it definitely seems like Oliver over-promised.

Panacea

Chapter:3

Apr 13, 2024

To:Momentie

On average, girls have smaller hands and greater manual dexterity. They’re also more marketable.

The Hoshinauts

Chapter:10

Apr 13, 2024

Height matters because they’re resource and budget constrained, so the ships and the ISS are smaller than the ones from our time. Originally, I was going to have them be middle schoolers, but the romance story felt too creepy that way. I’ll just say that they’re short, even for high schoolers.

They had a choice between teens and short adults, but went teen. Didn’t want to mix and match because the adults might get fed up having to babysit teens in space, and they had more short teens than short adults.

The Hoshinauts

Chapter:10

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