Steward McOy

Steward McOy

Hobbyist writer, attempting to improve. Criticism welcome.

registered at: Jun 26, 2021
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    Participant - MAL x Honeyfeed Writing Contest 2022
    Participant - MAL x Honeyfeed Writing Contest 2023

    Oct 31, 2023

    That's quite the whiplash, asking a real ~15 year-old girl if she ever cosplayed as a fictional ~15 year-old girl, all while calling yourself onee-chan to her face. Oh, and talking about war crimes in the same breath. Pro move, Lucille.

    Aaaand we're right back to the beginning. Isn't that what you were going to do *before*, Lucille? Also, welcome to your first "mid-life" crisis. Plenty more to come.

    But I'm with her on being tired of living in historic times. If the world could just calm down, that would be great.

    The nineties nostalgia though, I could go on and on about that. Like, acknowledging that it wasn't universally good times for everyone around the world, the period between the fall of the USSR and 9/11 was a pretty comfortable time to be an American. The economy was good, there was a budget surplus, computers were still doubling in speed every 18 months, anime was hand-painted, the Next Generation era of Star Trek shows were airing, and the idea of US soldiers dying in foreign wars was a joke, at worst, a bad memory.

    But I have to remind myself, it was also the time of moral panic over Harry Potter and Pokemon, Columbine, the L.A. riots, the WTC bombings, Waco, genocides on the news, and the killing of Matthew Shepard. And no matter how well-animated the anime was, getting it in the US was neigh impossible.

    The movie references are especially funny. Yes, The Lion King was a huge deal, and Pulp Fiction is legitimately great, but in 1994, I remember distinctly feeling that the art cinema of the 1970s were much better than the trash that was currently coming out. And yes, I was complaining about it on Usenet.

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    1
    Just East of Eden Title Page
    Just East of Eden
    Chapter:18


    Oct 30, 2023

    EVERYBODY LOVES REIMOND 🤣

    Bold of you to post on the day of the contest announcement, while there's another contest going on. All the attention is going to be focused on contest entries.

    On that subject, congrats on making the finals! It's very well deserved. And best of luck with the voting stage. I hope more people will give V x V a shot.

    What can I say about these chapters? Humbling that you were writing like that 5 years ago. I was still fumbling around trying to figure out how to write cringe weeb maids at that time. And I think posting that chapter was a good idea. It doesn't read much worse than your current writing, so it fits right in, and it helps paint the Fran picture a bit better. When she showed up a few chapters ago, I really wondered what she had seen in Lucille, but the emotion she feels at the end of that chapter ends up making it realistic.

    But this chapter, wow, it was uncomfortable in a good way. (And not just because I was the a-hole bringing up the Polish elections at a recent fathering.) Like, pulling those kinds of pranks is a jackass thing to do, but like, Jackie did have a point in a weird way. From a class relations perspective, it's kinda awkward to have the worse-offs host the better-offs, at their expense, and then the worse-offs apologize at the end. But as a human thing to do, regardless of class, apologizing is the right thing to do.

    But given the note at the beginning of the previous chapter, I suspect this isn't the end of it, and I'm buckling up for a bumpy feels ride. I just hope this night of drinking doesn't set Lucille back on a bad path.

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    1
    Just East of Eden Title Page
    Just East of Eden
    Chapter:17








    Oct 09, 2023

    To:JB94

    Definitely a low blow, especially when aimed at someone suffering from trauma, but Yasu's not at her best in this chapter. No one is.

    Yasu, Hina, and Claire were already dealing with stressful life problems before the government decided to dump this on them. Yasu had to quickly adjust to her PhD program, an environment where the ends don't always justify the means. Now that she's finished, she expected to back to her old way of thinking, but it's staying with her, and is partly the reason why she's starting to feel guilty about what she did.

    Hina never left that world, but she's having a harder time being successful without Sachiko's assistance, and she's not getting what she wants out of life.

    Claire is an orphan struggling to pay her own way though community college. Ever since her abduction, she's had trouble trusting people enough to form meaningful relationships. The lone exception being her extremely supportive roommate, who she has no idea is spying on her.

    But Yasu doesn't see that side of Claire, and after learning that Claire was hurting Hina deliberately, she lashed out. A low blow, but one that stung.

    Even the intelligence officers aren't at their best in this chapter. The one giving Yasu orders is stressed out over the possibility that Yasu might fail. She personally doesn't want to see any of the hoshinauts harmed.

    Claire's roommate resents her assignment, and she knows that she's in for a rough few days after Yasu's visit. She's going to have to listen to Claire's non-stop complaining, pat her back as she cries into tubs of ice cream, and accompany her to the gym to work off all the stress weight.

    And thanks for pointing out the missing word. "A glass of tap" is a colloquialism that means, you guessed it, a glass of water. I probably shouldn't be using such colloquialisms, but I felt I was repeating the word "water" too much.

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    1
    Temporary cover
    The Hoshinauts
    Chapter:24