Nov 07, 2023
OK, I got to the end. Time for some nice, positive, constructive criticism. Right?
I don't feel I'm qualified, and from reading the comments, I don't think I'd have much to offer that hasn't already been discussed, or which you yourself have already pointed out.
But I want to repeat that I think your writing has really improved, and I mean that in the best possible way. I don't mean to say you were bad before. That's obviously not true. Just that I felt that the WIP you posted before the contest showed some improvement over your writing from last year, and this showed more improvement over that.
And I thought you nailed this last chapter. It's touching and heavy. I sort of expected this chapter to continue from Mitsu's perspective, and we'd hear the words he receives from beyond the beyond the grave. But I think this works a lot better. It's private, and like he realizes, it doesn't change the situation. No matter how times he tells the bees, or how many times the bees tell him.
Perhaps, as Bubbles suggested, the romance came together a bit quickly, but it *is* a romance novel. That seems kinda par for the course for me.
Anyway, congratulations again on making the finals. Best of luck with the voting phase!