Jul 21, 2021
Hi, the Loner! Here's my review. I must admit I found this hard to read through. I'm not being mean, as I suspect this might be a personal story for you based on your account name; it's just all writers need criticism to improve. Your spelling and grammar could be improved. This will naturally get better as you write more and more, but a great resource for spelling and grammar is The Elements of Style by William Strunk: http://www.jlakes.org/ch/web/The-elements-of-style.pdf.
Also, the protagonist doesn't seem to have a goal. All characters need a goal, even if they're loners who don't talk to anyone. Take Tomoko Kuroki from 'No Matter How I Look at It, It's You Guys' Fault I'm Not Popular!' for example. Her goal is in the title: to get popular. A good book to teach you about character motivation is 'The Hero with a Thousand Faces' by Joseph Campbell. It's long and complicated, so I'd listen to it as an audiobook.
Furthermore, I couldn't tell if your story is set in India or Japan because some names seem Indian and some seem Japanese. If you are Indian, as I suspect you are, my advice stick to India: it's a fascinating country which doesn't get explored at all in web novels, and you will have knowledge of it that no one else will. I'm writing a story set in Texas, but I live in the UK, so I have to look everything about Texas up on the internet. You wont have that problem.
Good luck!
