Mario Nakano 64

Mario Nakano 64

It's a me. I'm an aspiring light novel writer hoping to one day see my works in anime form. I hope that my works at least brighten up your day and give you something to look forward to.

registered at: Jun 30, 2023
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    Participant - MAL x Honeyfeed Writing Contest 2023



    Jan 13, 2025

    Author's Commentary #308:

    Time to talk about Chapter 308: Lover of the Russian queen.
    The Ra-ra-Rasputin homages just keep coming, and the party, at least in Rasputin's eyes, is far from over. 5 more players have lost, leaving just the mysterious bald woman to possibly turn things around. Since said woman's name isn't fully revealed, I'll talk more about her in next chapter's commentary. As for the other new characters, let's discuss them.

    アグネタ・クロンホルム (Agneta Cronholm) is how Agneta's name would be spelled in katakana.

    Her birthday is April 30th, which she shares with Swedish Women's FIDE master, Anna Cramling.

    Her favorite piece is the knight.

    Agneta is an obvious homage to Swedish Women's FIDE master and content creator, Anna Cramling. I originally had a game where the Cow opening, which Cramling invented, was played against Rasputin and still lost, but I ended up scrapping it simply because I realized it wouldn't work canonically due to the fact Rasputin started each game out in a specific way.

    グレイザ・キトリアーノ (Glaiza Quitoriano) is how Glaiza's name would be spelled in katakana.

    Her birthday is November 14th. I chose the date at random, so there's no greater significance behind why this date is her birthday.

    Her favorite piece is the bishop.

    Glaiza is a mercenary hailing from the Philippians. As such, she's more on the wild side, but has a good heart deep down. Though it can be hard to tell especially considering she's constantly hog-tying, gagging, and dangling her teammate on a rope over a lit candle for amusement.

    エヴァンジェリカ・オイコノモウ (Evangelica Oikonomou) is how Evangelica's name would be spelled in katakana. Ευαγγελική Οικονόμου (Evangelica Oikonomou) is how it would be spelled in Greek.
    (If I made any mistakes with the translations, feel free to correct me).

    Her birthday is October 27th. I chose the date at random, so there's no greater significance behind why this date is her birthday.

    Her favorite piece is the pawn.

    Evangelica hails from Greece, though she's frequently at odds with Greece's top female player, mainly due to the fact that said woman treats some of the other team members horribly. If you've seen the artwork of the Greek women's team, you might have an idea on what angle I'm going for with said team, but if not, it'll likely come into play in the main story somewhere down the line.

    Shifting back to the games, these games were actually much harder to come up with due to the starting moves. Of the 13 people Rasputin challenged, 8 were playing as Black with the others playing as White. For those 8 playing as Black, each was faced with a different opening, e4, d4, etc. The f4 one was easily the hardest one as finding a fast checkmate was tricky. In fact, the reason the final game, which started out with 1. h4, is getting it's own chapter, is due to the fact that it goes on for a while.

    It appears like it will be the last game, but if you pay close attention to Rasputin's dialogue, you'll note he states that there are 2 opponents left. See if you can figure out who that final opponent could be, before it's revealed next chapter.

    That's all for this commentary. I hope you enjoyed it.

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    En Passant Grandmaster cover
    En Passant Grandmaster
    Chapter:308












    Jan 08, 2025

    Congratulations on finishing. I plan to write a review, but I'll summarize some of my thoughts here too. I echo many of the sentiments expressed in Walker's review, one being the characters. I feel the supporting cast was kind of bland, and dare I say forgettable at times, whether it be due to lack of screen-time or overall plot significance. To name names, I honestly forgot a lot about Sarge, Queen, and even Jester at times. This might come as a shock as I had nothing but praise for Jester's backstory, but his backstory is honestly all I feel he has going for him. I can't really remember any other stand-out story beats with him other than him doing fujoshi mouth-to-mouth. To give some more context as to why I feel this way, I have a motto that if you were to remove a specific character from the story and the plot is not greatly effected by their absence, the character needs to have more plot significance.

    I also think things played out a bit too conveniently for the heroes, or rather it didn't feel like the heroes faced a significant enough trial. For example, if one of the main cast had actually been affected by the Icarus bomb, I feel it would have enhanced the plot. There was a scene where a somewhat notable character, Parody Jake from State Farm got effected by the Icarus bomb, but it was brushed up in a single chapter. I honestly feel Sarge should have been the one to get effected instead that would have left more of an impact than Jake. It also could have led to some more interesting plot-lines; the full recovery process of a Flyer hit with the Icarus bomb, the psychological effect on Silverstream for having someone close be effected, being some such examples. Dare I say, Jake actually overstayed his welcome at times with the aforementioned scene being the biggest offender, in my opinion, and easily my least favorite moment in the story. If Jake was part of the main cast though, I would have likely viewed the scene differently though. I know you tried to use the moment to provide character development for Arwain, but I just feel Sarge or another Silverstream member would have been a better fit than Jake.

    As Walker said it best, there's times it feels like things are being held back, which I feel lies more in the contest rules. I feel this would have thrived more as an Alt-history novel than a Harmonic future one as the former category would have allowed for more leeway on the darker elements the story could have explored.

    Despite my critique, especially of the Jake scene, I do think the story is an overall solid Shounen. Congratulations once more for finishing, and good luck with the contest.

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    Hi Flyers!
    Chapter:30