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mindokusai

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World record in slow writing, mostly experimenting with my stories.

Feedback always appreciated :)

registered at: Apr 07, 2025

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aaa

Dec 04, 2025

Beautifully written as usual. In another comment I said I'll be honest with you so I think I should tell you about a concern of mine. Yuki's death (in a vacuum ) though divisive isn't necessarily a bad writing decision.

I say in a vacuum because in a story on the shorter side it's easier to spot patterns and I have one in mind.

Mind you: kaito's mother death then the death of mr. kagi's wife to give both a backstory or sort of a conviction. You're running dangerously close into the fridging trop... even though I'm 100% sure it was unintentional

And while the 'death' of the fox (which was described feminine if my goldfish memory didn't betray me.) and Yuki's death do not fit the definition of fridging it's still...I don't know.. I hope my point came across.

Please take this with a grain of salt. I hope I don't sound harsh and if I do it's my english articulation. I love this story and I believe it has high quality and with few tweaks it could be even better.

One unsolicited suggestion would be switching kaito's mom for a father, that would erase the pattern somewhat.

Sorry if that was imposing 😓 I just can't unsee it.

The Last Ink-Mage

Chapter:28

Dec 04, 2025

This gang is fabulous. Also poor megumi she reached a breaking point :(

Cursed Creature

Chapter:2

Dec 03, 2025

Yuki nooo 😭 Are you aiming for a bitter sweet ending?

The Last Ink-Mage

Chapter:27

Dec 03, 2025

To: Epti

From that angle I could see mr.kagi working fine as he is now. Also In that regard the battle is emotionally epic no question on that👍🏻

The Last Ink-Mage

Chapter:26

Dec 03, 2025

To: Epti

I wouldn't go as far as calling him a last minute villain but something in his execution could've been better.

You could make him more more self aware of his destructive path yet insisting on taking it, that would highlight his need for kaito's understanding even before kaito reach that conclusion. But that's a mere suggestion from my end.

The battle conclusion is fine in theory but I feel something could've executed differently. But no suggestion comes to mind now If something came to mind I'll be back if you don't mind

The Last Ink-Mage

Chapter:26

Dec 03, 2025

To: Epti

Fair enough! He could did it in a regulated way but chose to eliminate all spirits...and that made him the villain 👍🏻

The Last Ink-Mage

Chapter:24

Dec 03, 2025

Ngl painting with his own blood on his body was badass 🔥

The Last Ink-Mage

Chapter:25

Dec 03, 2025

To: Epti

I see, it make sense with the contest rules. It's such a shame thought that could've been a minor tweak.

The Last Ink-Mage

Chapter:23

Dec 03, 2025

Love the faint parallel between kaito and mr.kagi. Both have an accidental hand in a loved one's demise. Though mr.kagi went the extreme rampage path.

The Last Ink-Mage

Chapter:24

Dec 03, 2025

Minor nitpick, I think it was slightly uncool for Mr kagi to spit out his motivation, maybe closing his eyes and remembering his killed family Is better than talking with kaito. knowing will not change kaito's conviction any way. Nonetheless the scene still good as it is now :)

The Last Ink-Mage

Chapter:23

Dec 03, 2025

To:Earlo_18

That's will be fun to see. I feel like they can reach peace between their clans. Not before epic fight of some kind though.

Speaking of fighting I don't know why but I totally imagine them fighting over group assignments if they're in the same class 😂

THE TALE OF A MODERN DAY DEMON KING

Chapter:5

Dec 03, 2025

The demon king reached stage V 😂👽 oh osamu if you knew. Glad she got away with it although I suspect shun knows, he gives me mysterious vibes.

The collage is the same one kuro attend if I'm not mistaken right? If they met in collage while managing their hidden identities that would be fun to see

THE TALE OF A MODERN DAY DEMON KING

Chapter:5

Dec 02, 2025

To: Epti

I would give you my honest opinion for sure.

The Last Ink-Mage

Chapter:21

Dec 02, 2025

To: Epti

Yeah I agree with your point but personally my brain treat a story and its ending (which extend to the final arc) separately. I just learned to give grace in that regard after reading and watching a lot of great stories that I loved until the ending bamboozled me. You can say I rarely get disappointed anymore :P

And to be honest after trying writing myself I gave even more grace. This is harder than it looks.

Aside from the story itself I'm excited to see what direction you (and others) take with your story, as someone who's writing I enjoy learning from y'all.

Sorry I don't know why I wrote all this thanks for coming to my ted talk XD

ps. sorry for the late reply my internet is wacky now.

The Last Ink-Mage

Chapter:21

Dec 02, 2025

To:Earlo_18

That's really reassuring. I kinda want to write more chapters like this but I have to figure out how to make them shorter. Almost 3000 words is diabolical 😭

Uncanny Valley

Chapter:10

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