Nov 01, 2021
At points, you achieve astounding versimilitude. Nevertheless, please be careful to avoid dialogue tags when it's obvious who is talking. Also you need to foreshadow that these girls are out of their minds. It's like you describe a standard adult club and put at the end, "The girls started wearing the new girl's skin" which isn't scary, more WTF than anything. It starts off really well, though.
