Jul 06, 2025
You changed the chapter a little. I like it. It is a little more believable. I am interested in learning who she is .
I am curious about who the narrator of the story is. The way it is written, we, the reader, are the brooding boy. If that is the attention, then it is absolutely fine. If not, maybe it is better to make it first person and use "I" instead of "you."
I am enjoying this story, and I am just wanting to give you some recommendations because I am very much interested in seeing how it turns out. If I am overstepping my bounds, let me know.
