Jul 07, 2025
First, thanks for the nice comment. Also, please give yourself more credit. Your story has two things. I believable world and believable characters.
Your world as I see it, is a future world or alternate present. Either way it doesn't really matter. You have introduced new technology with its own problems, but the world itself is not too different fro our own. There are parts of your world that people from the past would recognize. That is important. Think about what our world was like 60 years ago. People from that time may be amazed by some technology, but they would be able to navigate our world. It is not too different. This is your world compared to ours.
Your characters are wonderful. They all have sufficient backstories for the purpose of your stories. The three main characters have been developed enough for the reader to care what happens to them. they have strengths and flaws. I would be cautious of creating new characters unless they have a specific purpose.
The way I see it, you have three basic plot lines that you will need to develop. The first is the newest one. That is the love triangle between Haru, Takamine, and Ayase. This is what I think plays into the main plot. It has to do with Hasu's love for the two and overcoming his hatred for sentinels. He is well on his way down that path. The other two plot points you created, kind have been abandoned. It has to deal with the sentinels themselves. You introduced s group of sentinels that want independence, and are willing to kill for it. (by the way if you read Asimov's I Robot, that is why he introduced the famous three laws.) Ayase and Haru are messed up in that wether they like it or not. You have also, through the debate, introduced the idea that the younger generation look ant sentinels differently. They see a world with coexistence.
you have plenty of space in your story to develop these ideas further. This is why I like your stories. I think you have good characters and an interesting world. I look forward to your next chapters.
You mentioned Jess and my Dominion Chronicles. There will actually be 13 volumes when it is done. They have been written, their in editing now. I created this world differently. The world itself is our world. I created a conspiracy that was underlining the world. When I write. I create characters. I know everything there is to know about my characters in more detail that would ever come in on the story. The reader doesn't need all that. I do for my writing process. The world I try to create at the same time, but complete it after. So, the world and the characters are made for each other. Most people do not write that way.
I hope that helps, and I hope I was able to say it clear enough to make sense. Keep up the good stories.
