Jio Kurenai / Comments

Jio Kurenai

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Author of Parable of the Renegades, or ParaRene for short.

Aspiring Game Designer and writer who loves it when games and stories get married to create an experience.

Criticism of my work is definitely welcome, so long as it's constructive!

I'm also looking forward to reading what you write! ;D

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June 21st, 2020 was the last time "Parable of the Renegades" made it to the #1 spot in both the Weekly and Monthly Rankings!

As this is my first web novel, I can't ever hope to describe how ecstatic I am! Thank you to all my readers for the rad comments, which I always make time to read. I hope I can continue to write prose that makes your already satisfying day even better!

registered at: Nov 15, 2016

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aaa

Jan 26, 2020

Okay, it seems that we have two scenes happening in this chapter.

One is the universal-destruction-level battle between Angelo and Assori, and the other is the post-exam scene on our trio of protags. It would help to improve the chapter if you had some markers to signify the cutouts between scenes. I use ✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧ for example.

I also felt like some of your paragraphs looked like huge walls of text and that they could be broken down to help make it easier to read and less stressful. Still, I'm seeing improvement too as I didn't feel too lost in events like I did before. 😉

Age of Ember beta

Chapter:7

Jan 26, 2020

What would be your description for Zion, Lazarus, and Dominus? 🤔

Age of Ember beta

Chapter:6

Jan 17, 2020

To:Gerry Hines

I'm really happy that you read the chapter around the time I posted it! 😁

While the fighting styles between Davis and Viola are like night and day, I also made it as such to reflect on their personalities and character. Davis' weapon-based fighting style may be dangerous, but it came partially from his fantasy geekiness as an Otaku. Meanwhile, Viola's usage of hand-to-hand martial arts is non-lethal, can be painless, and meant for winning a fight rather than downright killing someone which sort of emphasizes her as a healer. Of course, both have already displayed that they can go in the opposite direction if they wanted to.

I added Shǔxiàng techniques to the story as my sort of love-letter to the classic power systems in Shounen battle manga. Unlike the Renegade's Laws, which are designed to be more supernatural and strategic since they work through rules and conditions, Shǔxiàng techniques are more suited for straightforward and direct combat since they can be utilized at the practitioner's discretion.

That being said, it was already made clear in a previous chapter that Shǔxiàng techniques that could be mistaken for superpowers do exist, but as you already know, all techniques were acquired skills that required training, conditioning, and commitment to be learned. At the very least, they'll be more simple in concept and execution as compared to a Law.

I'm starting to feel like I've given too much love to Davis and Viola even though the role they're playing here was to make up for lack of screentime back then. I have my plans for Lucas and Rio in this Volume, but I'll do my best to keep them from feeling outshined! 😉

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:39

Jan 17, 2020

To:Ehanso

All I know is, it'll be life-changing for Lucas and will make or break him.

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:6

Dec 28, 2019

To:Gerry Hines

Thank you so much for understanding as well as supporting my change of plans. Shorter chapters will be easier to manage and produce so this change might actually mean I'll be able to give both quantity and quality!

Your opinion on why my changes to the author's note seemed to work better at the end was the same as my own when I first thought about it, so I'll be sticking with my current format from now on unless something makes me have to push it ahead.

Just like what I tried to do back in Volume 1, my characters will get their share of light-hearted moments and sometimes childish squabbles whenever nothing serious is going on. Once it's time for the opposite, however, the humor is pushed mostly aside as I want a serious situation to be treated as such. I say mostly because there may come a time that something funny could appropriately happen in the middle of a fight. I'll try my best not to let it take the full attention out of what's more important, though!

Your reaction from instantly realizing it was Mary Glow's crew from just the paint on shoes was just what I hoped my readers would do! Cheers! 🙌

It also left me with a great feeling of relief that you still enjoyed the chapter even though it's been two months since the last update along with the fact that it's also been shortened. I honestly wasn't expecting those kind words toward the chapter's flow, humor, description, and other aspects that made it as I felt I could only accomplish those with a full scenario -- partly the reason why I often produced long chapters back then. Really, it means a lot to me that you still feel this way. 😭

I'd like to state now that what Davis and Viola dealt with so far were merely grunts. The last seven "rainbow" delinquents will force them to step up their game!

Oh, and this was probably the final time the story trolls the blond man's name. 😉

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:38

Dec 28, 2019

To:Eric ShanRick

Thank you for giving my work a read! I hope you'll be willing to continue. 😀

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:0

Oct 29, 2019

Your descriptions are simple but very well-written. The worldbuilding was enough to hook readers in while still keeping enough secrets to make us want the next chapter soon!

Regarding some of this world's lore, doing that paperwork for weapons must be a hassle! XD

Don't Worry, We Have the Best Supporter in Our Team

Chapter:0

Oct 28, 2019

This has to be your best-written chapter yet! The pacing didn't feel too fast and you were able to describe the situations and emotions at a good level so things didn't feel flat. You're improving, alright! Keep it up!

I'm just a little disappointed that Shane decided to dispel his Forux. It could've become a battle of wit and strategy, which I'm really fond of. Odrian's portal ability has near-limitless potential regarding those!

Age of Ember beta

Chapter:5

Oct 28, 2019

Time is flowing way too quickly! I was wondering if Ziggy was going to be the primary main character and the story was about him raising his three kids for their destiny, but this works too!

I enjoyed Landon, Odrian, and Sarah's competitive race to school through the use of their abilities as it's a nice touch that shows they have a nice bond as siblings.

I'm hoping that the next chapter will allow me to see how much Odrian honed his skill with portals! :D

Age of Ember beta

Chapter:4

Oct 28, 2019

To:Ehanso

Rio is the character that most, if not all, of my readers love! Hope you'll read on and see why! ;)

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:5

Oct 28, 2019

To:Duode44

Mmh-mm. You can always count on Rio to shake things up!

Fenris will be Lucas' first target based on Rio's machinations so I hope he'll be able to play that role well!

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:29

Oct 28, 2019

Welcome back! I hope Volume 2 will be a blast to read as I'm upping the amp on the craziness there! :D

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:28

Oct 28, 2019

I gotta say, the Foruxs of Landon, Odrian, and Sarah have the potential for interesting spectacles. I like Odrian's portal abilities the most as I have many ideas involving those for my story, though I am really far from that point as of now. 😅

Now, while their powers are awesome in hindsight, they also might make them too powerful to the point that I won't have to worry for their safety. Hope you have plans to make them struggle because overpowered characters that can get through whatever comes at them with hardly a problem often makes for a dull read.

Age of Ember beta

Chapter:3

Oct 28, 2019

This chapter was a good step up from the last since the storytelling was clearer than the last, and I was able to process the events almost perfectly this time. Well done!

Age of Ember beta

Chapter:2

Oct 26, 2019

To:Gerry Hines

I hope this chapter was able to help you enjoy your weekend even though this isn't as long as some of my other chapters. 🙏

When you mentioned the blond man's sob story feeling injected, I tried looking back to where it could have been okay to start building it up from. Maybe from when he and Davis were waiting for Viola outside C.W.I's entrance while she was off somewhere else? It probably would've ended up with just Davis learning the truth and killing the blond man on the spot without getting that scene you enjoyed, though. Still, I got what you meant by injected, and big thanks for pointing that out as I always want to develop my skills further whenever possible. :)

There were a few things I was considering when writing the scene that made Davis want to cut ties with the blond man.

One of them was about who was going to become angrier after learning of Lucas' unwilling involvement. That role was unanimously given to Davis since he had been close friends with Lucas for many years, unlike Viola who isn't close to Lucas at all due to only reuniting with him recently after spending 5 years studying in Xina. Her level of concern for him only stemmed from him being family. That was why she was able to keep most of her cool and restrain Davis even though she too wasn't please with what the blond man said.

Another involved a trope that annoys me, especially in anime. It's when someone loudly voices out their intentions. I've always believed actions speak louder than words, so having Davis lash out at the blond man in silence but be portrayed full of malice got the message across directly as well as shown how much he treasures Lucas as a person.

I miss Lucas and Rio too, but this arc isn't over yet! I'm hoping to end it in about 3 more chapters. Even though they didn't play an active role, I hoped the constant references to them as well the intentions of the player characters of this arc kept Lucas and Rio relevant enough to make for an easy reacquaintance once the spotlight returns to them!

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:37