Jio Kurenai / Comments

Jio Kurenai

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Author of Parable of the Renegades, or ParaRene for short.

Aspiring Game Designer and writer who loves it when games and stories get married to create an experience.

Criticism of my work is definitely welcome, so long as it's constructive!

I'm also looking forward to reading what you write! ;D

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June 21st, 2020 was the last time "Parable of the Renegades" made it to the #1 spot in both the Weekly and Monthly Rankings!

As this is my first web novel, I can't ever hope to describe how ecstatic I am! Thank you to all my readers for the rad comments, which I always make time to read. I hope I can continue to write prose that makes your already satisfying day even better!

registered at: Nov 15, 2016

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aaa

Jul 16, 2018

To:Duode44

No you don't ;)

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:1

Jul 16, 2018

To:Inokhen Shishio

Glad you think that way! I want to try and balance things out by putting my fair share of dark and light-hearted moments depending on the situation. I'm no master at it, but I'll do my best! :)

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:0

Jul 16, 2018

To:Duode44

Thank you, and I hope you enjoy the ride! ;)

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:0

Jul 06, 2018

To:Deleted User

Thank you very much for reading, I hope to expand more on the town of Sarkansas soon! Also, I wonder if Davis and Rea will stay your favorite characters after you've met the one whom most of my other readers like to talk about. You'll find out in a few more chapters! ;)

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:1

Jul 06, 2018

To:Hikarisoul

Glad you enjoyed it! And praise for someone else other than Rio is a breath of fresh air! :D

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:12

Jun 30, 2018

To:TrinityNovels

No problem. Better late than never, right?

Even after what happened from the last chapter, I never meant for this to take an erotic turn. Lucas would be left dead and dry otherwise. Truth be told, I had some impulses that I wanted to get off my chest, but I never want to write fanservice for the sake of fanservice.

There were some awkward moments, but this was all to set up an opportunity for Lucas and Rio to understand each other better while they undid the damage they have inflicted. The lack of clothing was how I intended to show them "letting everything out", but the fact that they were still wearing something even if it wasn't much was how I portrayed them to still be keeping some secrets to themselves, which was more blatant in Lucas' case.

As for what Rio called Lucas out on, she couldn't help but do so because she has this sort of disappointment over how Lucas never took advantage of the years he had been living to seek excitement because there was nothing that pushed him to pursue it unlike Rio, who had developed this mindset of living like you're dying because of her frail childhood. When you subconsciously feel like there is no pressure and you have all the time in the world, you might end up procrastinating. That's just one side of it though, the other reason why Lucas had become so afraid of taking risks has something to do with the trauma that we've only scratched the surface on so far.

They are both the same age and yet Rio has done so much more compared to Lucas. Still, even though she has a lot of memories to look back on, there is something that leaves it incomplete. The answer to that will be in the next chapter, and you don't have to worry about waiting for a while because I have been changing my habits when it comes to writing and it has been doing me good so far.

I want to get this scenario and the epilogue over with so I can start throwing Lucas into the Lion's Den which is volume 2.

Thanks once again for taking the time to read this chapter and I hope you'll be back soon for the conclusion! ;)

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:23

Jun 24, 2018

To:TrinityNovels

I should've reworded my correction better.

In the paragraph with the word "incomprehensible", you wrote the word "though", which should've been "thought" from the way I've read it.

Black Witch Tsu-To-Yu!

Chapter:2

Jun 24, 2018

Okay, that was a pretty good first chapter! Everything that happened would be suitable for a manga, too!

To me, you made the right decision when Touyo was able to cast a spell after some concentration, but it only did some damage to the worm instead of outright incinerating it. Tsubaki clearly had the situation under control, but it was good that she gave the stage to her new student and it's clear that he's got the potential to become a good black witch!

If there's anything I would criticize I think I've read too many similes such as "did ____ like ____" "as ____ as a ____" in all three chapters.

I would have also criticized the abundance of filler words such as "felt", "saw", "heard" and other words involving the five senses. My reason would have been they put more telling not showing, which would have allowed the reader to be more into the shoes of the character. Since you did describe how Touyo and maybe Tsubaki felt, I'm probably nitpicking but it doesn't feel too good for me to encounter filler words too often.

I'm guilty of doing those too, but I try not to resort to them unless I really couldn't think of anything else. So yeah, feel free to point those out to me too if you think you've seen too much.

Minor Edit: Hinota was accidentally mentioned.

Black Witch Tsu-To-Yu!

Chapter:3

Jun 24, 2018

So far everything is easy to follow with how short and simple your descriptions are.

When it comes to Tsubaki's appearance, I get where the purple slanted eyes came from, but cat-like too? Hmm...

Minor edit: Add another "t" to the word "Thought" in the paragraph that started with Tsubaki speaking in incomprehensible sentences.

Black Witch Tsu-To-Yu!

Chapter:2

Jun 24, 2018

Hey, welcome back.

As a fan of your other novel, it's only natural I'd be curious to know what other kind of story you'd like to tell.

Intro's pretty good in my opinion. You did a good job on Touyo's introduction as someone who's bored with his daily life that he would try to make it more colorful by imagining himself in a fantasy setting while immersing himself in music. I'm guilty myself.

Right, added to my library and I'll marathon to the layest chapter since I'm in a pretty good mood! :)

Black Witch Tsu-To-Yu!

Chapter:1

Jun 17, 2018

To:Hikarisoul

No worries about taking a while to catch up, I'm just relieved that you didn't drop my story before getting to the better parts!

For the redundancies in some of my prose, I have no excuses other than this being my first ever writing experience, but I'm always trying to find ways to make my writing better.

Lastly, I really appreciate your warm thoughts on my novel! It's something I got a lot of big plans for and yes, Kiyodera-san has some really long-term plans for Lucas that will cover the entire story! Thanks again, and I'm looking forward to your thoughts in the later chapters! :D

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:6

Jun 05, 2018

And Kudos to you for another finished volume!

I'm actually very glad that the events ended up this way. E-Plus have just learned Kudo's berserk button and now they see that It's thanks to guys like Sherald and Shinezu (Was that the bald guy with glasses, btw?) that their adventures aren't always going to be about fun hunts, loot, leveling up and new equipment. There's the dark side too.

Now then, I'd like to write about the progression. We got the E-Plus party getting to know each other and their first quest as a party starts out simple but later on becomes a little more personal because it reminds one of them of a traumatic experience leading to a breaking point that ends with the party's bond becoming stronger after learning of one's vulnerabilities. Very good job on that chapter by the way. I felt Kudo and Hinota's pain and I'll be looking back at that when I'm having trouble writing a scene that needs some feels. Guess next time, E-Plus will be more careful to not bite what they can't chew and also be better prepared for the unexpected.

That also brings up a question to me. To adventurers, are monsters truly just treated as living treasure boxes like how dark adventurers treat ordinary people? Makes me really see them as similar aside from being adventurers. I mean after reading about Hinota reprimanding Kudo for almost killing a human being and the party getting hyped with Mizuri when she exclaimed that she's out for some monster blood, I can't help but think that adventures, in general, have warped perspectives. Not a bad thing by way. Humans are imperfect after all.

To end this comment, I just want to say that I'm glad your story is taking this direction. A party that's always there for each other. I can wait a while for another HEC volume as I guess you want to publish your new work first. At least the copy-paste glitch of Honeyfeed has been fixed now.

Cheers for a fun read. I'll be looking forward to what comes next! ;D

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:134

Jun 02, 2018

It would have killed for me to see more of Hikari in action because I really want to know what makes her the best of the best when it comes to all the adventurers other than her title. It would definitely make me like her more if her abilities are seemingly pathetic at first glance, but a sense of resourcefulness allows her to use to them at a much more deadlier effect that would surprise others. Just a suggestion, by the way.

And it looks like the E-Plus didn't do so bad on their first hunt together. Maybe their synchronization with those they are unfamiliar with still has a ways to go, but at least they were able to get out with what they could already do.

What I have on my mind right now is that I hope you'll eventually come up with special double-team or triple-team skill combos for them, and I don't mean a Kudo / Hinota or a Raika/Kuki; I'm talking Kudo /Mizuri or Hinota / Kuki!

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:121

Jun 02, 2018

Right, with your new work on the horizon, I need to start catching up before my backlogs pile up.

With this volume supposedly about how the newly formed E-Plus will be working together, I was looking forward to how things will play out, especially Hinota's newest party members.

I like how Tsuchi and Mizuri are keeping in touch with their feminine and masculine side respectively (Mizuri unwillingly). If I remember correctly, Tsuchi's from a family of mostly girls while Mizuri goes the other way around. And speaking of Mizuri, she's become my favorite of the pair. I like how she's trying to be a combat medic because most I often find a badass appeal in those who can give life as well as take it (Ex. Josuke Higashikata from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure). Bonus points for how she defeated Kuki in the sparring session.

As for Kudo and Hinota, I don't really have much to say for now other than I'm really glad you chose to make their little pre-nuptial in the form of a ring. You'll see why as soon I get some work done.

If there were any complaints, I'd just say that I wish the sparring matches were a little longer for each pair. Would have got me more invested.

Anyway, I'll be busy marathoning. ;D

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:117

May 31, 2018

To:Gerry Hines

As always, thanks for the compliments!

More on subdued flashback Lucas had in the hallway after Rio unintentionally triggered them will become a story arc in the next volume. All I'll say for now is that it had some influence on the current structure of Lucas' personality.

I get what you feel on how long this sleepover story arc has been due to the number of chapters and believe me, I want it to end, too. That was a wakeup call. I was hoping that I could compress everything into one more chapter after reading your comment, but there's a lot of things I feel will be relevant for later on and then there's Honeyfeed's character limit, so you'll have to bear with me a little longer.

No need to feel ashamed, if anything, the only reason why I thought you haven't read the chapter was that you didn't get a notification. That has happened to me a few times from Anno Domini as well. XD

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:22