Steward McOy / Comments

Steward McOy

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Hobbyist writer, attempting to improve. Criticism welcome.

registered at: Jun 26, 2021

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aaa

Nov 10, 2024

Nice start. Wish I could write action that well.

Parallel in Two

Chapter:1

Nov 10, 2024

I was gonna say, "May the saviors never return and they learn independence," but this is a better twist.

An Ode to the Stars

Chapter:11

Nov 07, 2024

I've been refraining from commenting because there's a lot going on in the story and I want to see how some of it plays out more, but I've been largely enjoying it. The small town power politics aspects give me PTSD, so I very much identify with Dorian here. I couldn't wait to get away from that kind of place either.

But I have to admit I was expecting Therion to be much more one-dimensional, like his children. This chapter and the last were quite the interesting take on this kind of character. He's still a manipulative jackass, but you can kinda see where he's coming from, and a lot of his arguments are actually convincing at first blush.

And honestly, I thought that alone was worth pointing out. A lot of times villain's' arguments are so transparent to the reader, but you did a good job here making it more believable.

An Ode to the Stars

Chapter:9

Oct 31, 2024

Happy Halloween! Congrats on finishing. It was a fun romp. My husband got a good laugh at the Patton in Sicily line.

Mary Lou Sunday

Chapter:15

Oct 30, 2024

Not funny, indeed. Except the isekai part. I chuckled.

Mary Lou Sunday

Chapter:14

Oct 29, 2024

So he’s just like Gendo: he wants his wife back and he doesn’t care who he has to hurt to get her.

Mary Lou Sunday

Chapter:13

Oct 28, 2024

You warned at the start it would be steamy. I took a chance and started reading it in a public location. Don’t think I’ve ever closed a tab so quickly out of fear someone might see.

(Not Exactly) In Search Of An Oasis

Chapter:10

Oct 28, 2024

JB! 😭 Well, actually, aside from that hit at the end, he wasn’t a great guy. Has to be awkward listening to people at his funeral try to think of good things to say about him.

Mary Lou Sunday

Chapter:11

Oct 26, 2024

Jinkies! Looks like we’ve got a mystery on our hands.

Mary Lou Sunday

Chapter:10

Oct 24, 2024

The CIA, you say? Good thing everything they touch, especially in the mid-20th century, turns out so well. Mary Lou is going to get a fine education.

Also, there’s the Bebop reference!

Mary Lou Sunday

Chapter:8

Oct 21, 2024

Hotwiring a car? Reffer Madness was right! It's a gateway to a life of crime!

Mary Lou Sunday

Chapter:5

Oct 21, 2024

Looks like these factory workers could use… a union. 😎🌅

An Ode to the Stars

Chapter:1

Oct 21, 2024

To:Pope Evaristus

I can’t believe you did a reefer once.

Now that you mentioned it, I can see the Pynchon influence.

Mary Lou Sunday

Chapter:3

Oct 19, 2024

I can just picture the chrome and asbestos.

I'm enjoying this so far. How do you come up with some of this stuff? Especially the history of the asylum in the first few paragraphs of the first chapter seem so tangential compared to the rest of the story. Seems like a lot of effort to create something like that that only lasts a few paragraphs.

Mary Lou Sunday

Chapter:3

Oct 11, 2024

The.

The Sunless Kingdom

Chapter:3

Steward McOy

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