Steward McOy / Comments

Steward McOy

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Hobbyist writer, attempting to improve. Criticism welcome.

registered at: Jun 26, 2021

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aaa

Oct 01, 2024

To:Mario Nakano 64

It’s a movie and not a book, but Parts: The Clonus Horror kinda does that.

Giftear

Chapter:6

Aug 13, 2024

Orca mention spotted.

Hope all is going well with your next project!

(Not Exactly) In Search Of An Oasis

Chapter:9

Jul 19, 2024

As I always say when I read the last chapter of something, congrats on finishing. That is an accomplishment in itself.

I can't say I enjoyed reading about the psychological torture of these characters, but I appreciated this for how well-written it was. I never read Kai though, so maybe it was a mistake to start here. I might have gotten more enjoyment out of it.

Aside from a couple typos and repeated words, which any editor would find before publication, I don't know how much feedback you want, so I'll leave it at that. You did good, and this was well-written.

零　「飽く迄」(Rei Akumade)

Chapter:18

Jul 18, 2024

For the first bit, I was worried I had walked into an Endless Eight. Glad it diverged.

I ask this next question completely out of ignorance. Forgive me. But isn't school in Japan only compulsory though middle school? If so, doesn't that make skipping high school not illegal? So why would people call the cops on them?

零　「飽く迄」(Rei Akumade)

Chapter:3

Jul 18, 2024

Wasn't sure if I had to grit to keep reading after the previous chapter, but it's time to do my part to get this into weeklies. Weeklies have been getting kinda same-y.

I wasn't expecting the GL flirting though. Very nice. Heart eyes emoji.

零　「飽く迄」(Rei Akumade)

Chapter:2

Jul 05, 2024

To:Kirb

That's a fair point.

Magical Girl SNAFU - The Fires Of Hell

Chapter:3

Jul 05, 2024

Probably should have addressed it to Sora in the letter itself. Not like the guards are going to respect the sanctity of a sealed envelope.

Magical Girl SNAFU - The Fires Of Hell

Chapter:3

Jun 17, 2024

Definitely had me fooled right up until the end.

A Date in Spring

Chapter:1

Jun 16, 2024

"The iconic anime words!" 🤣

Camera-Man

Chapter:1

Jun 16, 2024

We're close to the deadline. Don't forget to mark this as completed!

Camera-Man

Chapter:1

Jun 16, 2024

This is well-written and has a strong character voice. Probably the best title in the workshop as well. A agree with Bubbles that there isn't much "story" here, but I didn't have an issue with the style.

The themes presented about the passage of time, the advancement of technology, and the differing personalities of people in peaceful times were more interesting to me than rote descriptions of Japanese landscapes. However, I may be wrong—I've been wrong before, and I'll be wrong again—but I suspect the judges are looking for a feel-good story that doesn't deal with dark issues like those.

Nonetheless, best of luck with judging!

There are Dead Bodies Buried Under the Cherry Trees

Chapter:1

Jun 14, 2024

To:Lihinel

I went back and forth on this. Originally I wanted to give them an equal number of chapters, but they each overcame their fear of confessing at the same time, so I felt like choosing one side would take something away from the other.

Sincere Pretenses

Chapter:4

Jun 13, 2024

This was very cute! I always enjoy a bit of cross-lingual mixing in writing. I will say though, that a couple times spelling out the accent left me unsure of what the main character was saying.

No Onion

Chapter:1

Jun 13, 2024

Oh, and congrats on getting though book 1. I took a look at the word count, and sure enough, 53.5k words. In some ways, it feels longer because so much stuff happened, but in others, it doesn't feel that long because there's still much more to go through.

Urugano!

Chapter:29

Jun 13, 2024

I tee-heed at the "get hard" jokes.

It's always been in the back of my mind during the missile/drone launch scenes, but it's a shockingly depressing image of people just going about their daily lives, completely disconnected from this massive barrage emanating around them that will kill so, so many people.

But then making it kind of like a fireworks show for everyone to dance to, while the gut-wrenching announcement plays really hammered it home.

Urugano!

Chapter:29

Steward McOy

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