Steward McOy / Comments

Steward McOy

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Hobbyist writer, attempting to improve. Criticism welcome.

registered at: Jun 26, 2021

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May 27, 2024

To:Pope Evaristus

Thanks for giving it another go!

It's very interesting to me that there's been no real consensus on the favorite. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

The Hoshinauts

Chapter:4

May 23, 2024

See? Anime *is* real. I knew it!

At one point, I thought she was a vampire, and was luring him out onto the lake so he would have nowhere to escape.

He'd deserve it too for being an Inukai fan.

The Boat, You, and Me

Chapter:1

May 23, 2024

To:Armonia

Thanks for reading! I'm glad it gave you a laugh.

When the Rose Blooms Among the Cherry Blossoms, The Thorns Aren’t As Dangerous As the Petals in the Breeze

Chapter:1

May 23, 2024

To:Armonia

Even though I found it a bit gross, it definitely stands out, and IMO, that justifies the inclusion.

Timeloop Uncle

Chapter:1

May 23, 2024

Pensions? For college students? Starting a bit early, huh?

I'll give you one thing, it felt like a very real story.

Sob emoji like because, despite the happy ending, it had a very melancholy tone. That doesn't mean it's bad. I click the like buttons based on how the story makes me feel.

But I did chuckle at the inclusion of Genki Volume 2.

Six Months in Aichi

Chapter:1

May 23, 2024

This was a fun one! I may have gagged a little bit at the sweaty juices from a sock analogy though. But the opening line is very clever, because it makes the reader wonder how that's possible.

The middle of the story not only answers the question, it's got quite a few good jokes, and the ending is very sweet. Good job all around.

Honestly, being able to see ancient sites in person, that's a mighty tempting proposition, even if there's a chance of ending up in a time loop.

Timeloop Uncle

Chapter:1

May 23, 2024

To:Mech

If I'm being honest, the simple language is probably a result of me not being comfortable writing in present tense combined with cutting as many words as I could to keep it under 3K. But I suppose it helps to sell the smooth-brainness of the protagonist.

When the Rose Blooms Among the Cherry Blossoms, The Thorns Aren’t As Dangerous As the Petals in the Breeze

Chapter:1

May 22, 2024

I’m going to disagree with lol a bit here. I think the dialogue served the purpose it needed to. Was it the greatest in the world? Well, no, but I don’t expect that from a short story for an online workshop. But lolo has higher standards for dialogue than u do.

I do agree that the ending is a bit abrupt, but the word limit on this workshop is very small. My story ended abruptly too.

But I think you did a good job relating the character’s personality and providing interesting character dynamics. Best of luck with the judging.

Distance

Chapter:1

May 22, 2024

Yeah, this one made me tear up a bit. I agree with otk said, but you still did a good job infusing it with emotion.

The Settling Sun

Chapter:1

May 22, 2024

Kouji, you almost got yourself taken out there. The frontal charge was not your brightest moment.

Very interesting that he had those waifu flashes distract him when he thought about grabbing the jade. Looks like he doesn't have the mental discipline he thinks he does.

And I don't know if I trust this Gokiburi. With all that magic flying around, he could be an impostor.

Urugano!

Chapter:22

May 21, 2024

To:Mario Nakano 64

Hey, thanks for reading and commenting!

At this point in the story, the MC is more distracted by his predicament to truly appreciate the convenience store. Yes, Japanese convenience stores are bigger and sell a wider variety of items, but it's still ultimately a convenience store. For the MC, he hyped up the legendary status of Japanese convenience stores in his mind. No real-world store was going to meet his expectations.

When the Rose Blooms Among the Cherry Blossoms, The Thorns Aren’t As Dangerous As the Petals in the Breeze

Chapter:1

May 20, 2024

To:Bubbles

I can't speak for the author, but I believe the glizzy double entendre is intentional.

Sakura streamer girl

Chapter:1

May 20, 2024

If I saw a tree turn into a naked girl who called me a chintama, I'd check myself into a psychiatric ward.

Sakura streamer girl

Chapter:1

May 20, 2024

Interesting drop of Much Ado. I don't see the connection yet, but I'll keep my eyes open.

Somehow the soviet weapons seem much more crass when they're treated like just some thug's piece. The contrast between the high-minded (if misguided) ideals they represent and the image of him flashing the sickle definitely made me chuckle. But the Demokraticheskiy Tsentralizm spell immediately one-upped it. Nicely done.

Hang in there, Fuuumi.

Urugano!

Chapter:21

May 20, 2024

To:otkrlj

You mean exchange students in Japan don't end up being societal power brokers? I guess that's just another lie I tricked myself into believing about Japan.

Thanks for reading and commenting!

When the Rose Blooms Among the Cherry Blossoms, The Thorns Aren’t As Dangerous As the Petals in the Breeze

Chapter:1

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