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Steward McOy

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Hobbyist writer, attempting to improve. Criticism welcome.

registered at: Jun 26, 2021

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aaa

Nov 20, 2023

They have plastic bags in this world?

The Songstress of Avalon

Chapter:3

Nov 19, 2023

To:Pope Evaristus

I totally feel you on both life keeping you busy and on ideas being come and go. Things have been especially busy for me this year as well, also mostly in a good way.

I'm sorry I you didn't know about the JNC contest earlier! I also learned late, but I still learned a couple months ago. I should have pinged you on Discord to make sure you knew.

For a while, I was all fired, up, thinking I would reword Cat-Eared Mage and write two new stories, just to maximize my odds for JNC. I don't expect to win, but getting professional feedback would sure be nice. But then things kept getting busier and I kinda had a moment of reflection about why I'm writing. Is it for the contests?

I started writing for my husband. Anyone else who read my books was just a bonus. But my husband has been asking for volume 2 of Cat-Eared mage for over a year now, but I keep putting it off because I'm having a hard time tying it into a solid narrative. I started Hoshinauts as a project I could noodle on while blocked on Cat-Eared Mage. The idea was, as soon as I hit writer's block on one, I'd switch to the other.

Problem is, Hoshinauts went a lot smoother. Then the contest started, and I put Cat-Eared Mage to the side while I worked on it. But halfway through the contest, my summer got really busy, and I knew my writing time was going to vanish, so I hurriedly ended Enchanted by a Witch, and for a couple months there, I felt guilty about it. Like, if I had been able to put my all into the contest, I could justify it. Otherwise, I was just stealing writing time from what my husband actually wanted to read.

All that to say, I'm going to submitted a reworked Cat-Eared Mage, and maybe, maybe one other book, depending on how much free time I get over winter vacation.

Sorry for rambling, but good luck with it all. The contest, coming up with ideas, and life outside of writing.

Just East of Eden

Chapter:21

Nov 19, 2023

Welp, it was nice knowing you, girls.

Quite a dark chapter, though I'm not really one to talk. The villains have always been violent and misogynistic, almost comically so at points, but I don't know, it hits harder when it's just some high schooler.

I'm gonna continue to hold out hope for the girls, but I'm prepared for anything, be it darkness, tragedy, or even just more playful yuri flirting.

In Search of An Oasis

Chapter:27

Nov 19, 2023

Congrats on making finals. I really enjoyed reading this.

This is somewhat a repeat of what I said on Discord, but I was really impressed by the way you approached isekai here. You created a story that was genuinely entertaining in a fantasy world, one which would have still been entertaining without isekai, but then used the isekai aspects to make it even better.

At the start, it did feel a bit like the isekai was getting in the way of the story. I wanted to learn all about the political machinations and investigations that Vivian and her family were caught up in. In a way, it felt like I was watching the story unfold behind frosted glass but it worked because I felt the story was interesting enough to keep me going.

But as the story got going, I realized that Kyle's realization that people can't be reduced to collections of numbers was adding a lot to the story, and it made all the early chapters worth it.

Once again, congrats on making finals, and for writing such an entertaining story.

That Time I Was Reincarnated as the Villainess's Stat Menu and Tried to Get Her Attention

Chapter:32

Nov 16, 2023

Some days, some nights…

Man, but the Boondocks though. It may not be anime, but what a thing. A thing with its own sad production history. At least McGruder didn't work himself to death, and I hope nothing like that ever happens.

And on that note, I hope you're taking care of yourself. It's a rough world out there.

I don't feel like there's quite as much to comment on in this chapter, not that it makes it worse or anything. Having a slower chapter like this. It's still got a weighty theme, and it's got some important character development, but maybe it felt a bit lighter than usual.

I do dig scenes where characters discuss anime. Obviously I do, and Whisper of the Heart is a perfect fit for this story.

I wish we could have more of that kind of thing in published light novels. Literature has such a rich history of intertextuality, but Japan's got different laws about that kind of thing, and even in the West, the rise of making everything into an IP franchise can make it tough. Published stories have to be oblique in their references to anime. Light novel contests have rules against it.

(There's a small typo in this chapter. "Kicking and scream.")

What I can say is that the quote that opened the chapter made me tense up, but the way the chapter ended was nice and uplifting. As always, I really enjoyed reading this, and I look forward to the next one, whenever you post it. Really, take care of yourself first and foremost.

Just East of Eden

Chapter:21

Nov 13, 2023

To:shirayuriP

No need to apologize! I am also slow when it comes to commenting and replying.

I think you managed to portray desire and loneliness as well.

Also, I admire that you both wrote the story and drew the cover.

Jasmine-scent Dreaming

Chapter:4

Nov 12, 2023

GL goggles activated.

That Time I Was Reincarnated as the Villainess's Stat Menu and Tried to Get Her Attention

Chapter:5

Nov 12, 2023

To:yitsuin

Thanks for the advice! To be honest though, this isn't even me at my lore-dumpiest. Compared to my entry last year, it's nothing. I was saved this year by trying to adhere strictly to the chapter length guidelines. I was really trying to get closer to 1,000 than 1.500. It caused some problems, but it also helped in this way, I guess.

I can't blame it on a lack of Thelian's voice coming through. That one's entirely on me. I tend to write in the first person, and character voice is something I very much need to work on.

Enchanted by a Witch From a Realm Called Earth

Chapter:5

Nov 12, 2023

Very funny so far, but I'm just happy there's a story with politics in the finals.

That Time I Was Reincarnated as the Villainess's Stat Menu and Tried to Get Her Attention

Chapter:3

Nov 12, 2023

To:yitsuin

A lot of great observations! I'm also a fan of curry with rice, but in this case, I wanted to combine the culture clash with the isekai trope of the MC yearning for/going to great lengths to acquire dishes from Earth.

They don't only eat vitafelars, but they eat them often enough that it changes their palette. They eat dishes that pair well with vitafelars, and curry does not. It tastes to them the same way very bitter food does to us. Conversely, having not grown up with them, Chika doesn't like the taste of vitafelars. It's very unpleasant to someone used to Earth food.

It's an actual physical manifestation of the cultural barriers they'll have to overcome.

And good point on it being tough to live an ordinary life in those circumstances. Initially, I just wanted to paint a contrast between how isekai portray characters coming to new worlds and finding friends and shooting their way up the social/power ladder. I figured it was more realistic for them to be treated as an other, even if they did good things for their community. But I found a way to make it more meaningful to the story later on.

Enchanted by a Witch From a Realm Called Earth

Chapter:4

Nov 11, 2023

That's some serious stakes. Shouldn't have messed around with forces that large, Kidney.

Museworld

Chapter:315

Nov 10, 2023

What a heartfelt and relatable chapter. Really starting to see the appeal of this story. It’s true that so many people get into relationships hiding their true power level, as it were, but the relationships where you can be honest are so much stronger IMO. It’s just a shame they’re so difficult to find.

Jasmine-scent Dreaming

Chapter:4

Nov 08, 2023

Such a touching, wholesome gesture between friends. Who doesn't like a nice massage now and then? OK, I can't even pretend anymore.

What did I say about staying at that location? Not only does CSS want to take it back, they seem to have realized the girls have special powers and want them too.

The battles were fairly one-sided up until the last few chapters. I suspect they're about to get tougher.

In Search of An Oasis

Chapter:26

Nov 08, 2023

Congrats on 200k words! In less than a year! That's super impressive.

Museworld

Chapter:312

Nov 07, 2023

OK, I got to the end. Time for some nice, positive, constructive criticism. Right?

I don't feel I'm qualified, and from reading the comments, I don't think I'd have much to offer that hasn't already been discussed, or which you yourself have already pointed out.

But I want to repeat that I think your writing has really improved, and I mean that in the best possible way. I don't mean to say you were bad before. That's obviously not true. Just that I felt that the WIP you posted before the contest showed some improvement over your writing from last year, and this showed more improvement over that.

And I thought you nailed this last chapter. It's touching and heavy. I sort of expected this chapter to continue from Mitsu's perspective, and we'd hear the words he receives from beyond the beyond the grave. But I think this works a lot better. It's private, and like he realizes, it doesn't change the situation. No matter how times he tells the bees, or how many times the bees tell him.

Perhaps, as Bubbles suggested, the romance came together a bit quickly, but it *is* a romance novel. That seems kinda par for the course for me.

Anyway, congratulations again on making the finals. Best of luck with the voting phase!

Telling the Bees

Chapter:18

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