Steward McOy / Comments

Steward McOy

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Hobbyist writer, attempting to improve. Criticism welcome.

registered at: Jun 26, 2021

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Oct 10, 2022

To:Spirit9871

Thank you! Finding that balance between dialog and narration has always been one of my weak points as a writer, and one that I set out to improve when I wrote this story, so I'm happy to hear you thought it worked well for this chapter.

The Cat-Eared Historian Mage on the Crumbling Planet

Chapter:1

Oct 09, 2022

I feel called out by that bit about nerds having competitive rage. Why do we always have to try to establish a nerd pecking order?

Cupid's BLAME!

Chapter:7

Oct 09, 2022

Miku's got a point. Good organization skills and work ethic may not be enough to carry a relationship on their own, but there are worse reasons to be attracted to someone.

My Dad is an Otaku, My Mom is a Fujoshi, and I Wish I Was Dead

Chapter:3

Oct 08, 2022

I hate to echo all the comments praising Emma, but it’s great that she’s still focusing on living life, and maybe making a new Italy friend, in the midst of this.

Cupid's BLAME!

Chapter:4

Oct 07, 2022

50k Yen? 😳

Got distracted while reading this chapter to look up the history of Catholic attitudes towards chocolate, since I know some people who forgo it for lent.

My Dad is an Otaku, My Mom is a Fujoshi, and I Wish I Was Dead

Chapter:2

Oct 07, 2022

I love this premise! Excited to see how it develops.

My Dad is an Otaku, My Mom is a Fujoshi, and I Wish I Was Dead

Chapter:1

Sep 25, 2022

This was a very fun, very gay sci-fi romp! Best of luck with the judging!

Red Storm Over Ganymede

Chapter:40

Sep 23, 2022

I wasn’t expecting the VD joke. Got a chuckle out of me. Nicely done.

Red Storm Over Ganymede

Chapter:33

Sep 18, 2022

To:Swiggy

Thank you! I am, once again, sorry I couldn't make it to the cold reading, but I'm glad it inspired that discussion.

The Cat-Eared Historian Mage on the Crumbling Planet

Chapter:1

Sep 18, 2022

It feels like Isul was the best thing in Tristan's life. Without his full memories, I worry what will happen to them now.

Red Storm Over Ganymede

Chapter:10

Sep 17, 2022

I absolutely adored this chapter. It was great to see from Isul's perspective. His interpretation of the club, and of the bittersweet situation they're in, was so good.

Red Storm Over Ganymede

Chapter:3

Sep 04, 2022

Obviously this is very late, but congrats on finishing. This was a fun storym and you checked a lot of the cyberpunk boxes: megacorps, hacking, robots, etc. It definitely felt like a cyberpunk setting.

For me, the strongest points were the characters, the banter, and the setup. Putting an unflappable idol in the midst of a gritty cyberpunk world led to some hilarious moments.

Idolatry

Chapter:28

Sep 03, 2022

Nice twist at the end.

Also, I like the running gag about Hazel trying to create new drinks, with the results being unpalatable.

Idolatry

Chapter:26

Sep 03, 2022

Eyyyyyy, cat ears!

Idolatry

Chapter:15

Sep 02, 2022

I enjoyed this one a lot. It was definitely cyberpunk in my book, regardless of what the judges are looking for. I thought you created a wonderful world and, as others pointed out, your prose was fantastic.

I don't have much constructive criticism I can offer on this one. I think any issues others have pointed out are easily explained by the deadline. There were a couple scenes (the first scene in the Blumen zoo and the scene where the Blumen breaks out) where the narrative seemed intentionally confusing, and more details were filled in later. It definitely kept the pace of the story going and I found it engaging, but I could see it losing some less attentive readers.

Congrats on finishing it, despite the obstacles you encountered. Best of luck with the judging.

City of Flowers

Chapter:19

Steward McOy

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