Jul 19, 2021
Just blasted through all of these in an hour or so.
This really good! The chapters pack in loads of character and info without ever dragging. The dialogue (especially in this latest chapter) does a great job at conveying info without coming across as exposition heavy and it read very well.
There are some great comparisons here, that one with the mother and the cornered animal was particularly evocative. Some great use of call backs to other chapters *already* and I could go on.
One *really minor thing* I'd like to comment on is that, occasionally, there is a line that sounds quite odd and takes me out of the flow a little. I found this a little weird because 95% of the time, the lines flow extremely well. It might also be an idea to split some of your paragraphs up, even though the content is good, they're a bit long sometimes.
Those are only small nitpicky things though. Overall, what's there so far is extremely slickly written and entertaining to boot, can't wait for the next chapter!
