Jul 25, 2021
Heyo!
The dialogue is top tier in this story! Love the bantering and how smooth the flow is when it comes to the character interaction. It's adorable, and I love the way Kiku and Kohei talk with each other.
I also like the simplicity of your writing style. I'm biased for something less descriptive as my eyes can only concentrate for so long before I get lost, so your story was awesome to follow through.
Pretty much with what others have said, I do like the flow, but adding a little more description on tone and action (like movements, what the characters do while they say a certain line or word, their eyes, their facial reactions, etc) can make a difference in how readers interpret the lines.
Also, to your original question, I think having the prologue is fine. I can see it work as a prologue or a first chapter, but just be aware there are readers (IDK why they would do this but...) that would skip prologues. If this is the case, I would slightly suggest making the prologue your first chapter, because I think the information you have in there is important to the story (right? I think so lol)
Good job!!
