Aug 16, 2023
Here for the read trade!
I read through this quite fast, and, gotta say, I’m a fan. Your English slips up sometimes, but it’s always readable, and the fact is it’s a good enough concept to where the prose doesn’t have to be pristine. Obviously, though, that always helps.
Your descriptions are vivid and help me imagine the scene pretty well. Giving little tidbits of information about the world through Tetsudo’s eyes is a great way to bring a sense of realism to the novel, though I would have liked to hear how he felt about a lot of it—is he confused about the people managing the station not showing up? Does he have any particular memories with the tracks? What does he immediately think about this new girl on a first impression, other than confusion? A lot of it can be inferred, at least, so you have that going for you.
Onto the next chapter. :)