ocrali / Comments

ocrali

“One day the world shall tremble beneath my feet! [Insert evil laugh]”

Y’ello! I like anime, but I like free stuff even more; I see web novel, I click (I’ll try to write some too). Will stick around for as long as I can afford internet access. Life aspiration: world domination. See you around, mortal.

registered at: Jul 14, 2021

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aaa

Nov 19, 2021

Just to be clear, IT is still there, right?

ACID♠ALICE

Chapter:7

Nov 19, 2021

Trish is an angel. Open your eyes, Kai.

The Sequence of Kai

Chapter:12

Nov 18, 2021

Good stuff. Didn’t think it could get any better; I was wrong🙇

The Sequence of Kai

Chapter:11

Nov 17, 2021

This has potential. Please continue

That Time I Got Reincarnated As A Dog

Chapter:0

Nov 05, 2021

😂😂

Witticisms

Chapter:1

Nov 02, 2021

That twist at the end was unexpected. I trusted Jyn...
My favourite part of this novel is the world-building. Yes, it's been mentioned but I want to mention it too. It's just beautifully crafted.
The characters are my second favourite. Their voices...and the misunderstandings caused by those two "traps" are a work of art. Each chapter had me smiling.

I noticed some issues with tenses, which is something I struggle with too.
From Chapter 5:
"This no doubt adds on another layer of mystery surrounding the character ->know<- as 'Jyn'."
"Known"

"On our way there, I began to notice that those guards could have been the only instance that I saw men ever since I ->am<- in Tawouest."
"Arrived" is probably the better choice here.

From Chapter 9:
"Feeling betrayed that my ->now-advance<- level of knowledge of tent pitching was rendered somewhat redundant in the face of this new possibility"
"Now advanced"

I'm no expert but I just wanted to point some of these out. Now I'll wait for the return of Circular🏮🏮. Thanks!

CirCular

Chapter:13

Oct 28, 2021

I wonder if Patches's left eye might help Yang somehow🤔

CirCular

Chapter:10

Oct 27, 2021

Allen in Wonderland. Finally!

ACID♠ALICE

Chapter:2

Oct 27, 2021

To:Momentie

Ahh...thanks😂

Reincarnated? Really? As what? Some kind of Genie? (RAG?)

Chapter:5

Oct 27, 2021

To:Momentie

Hutspur? Haven't heard that before

Reincarnated? Really? As what? Some kind of Genie? (RAG?)

Chapter:5

Oct 27, 2021

To:Momentie

Hehehe thanks! Yeah this chapter is 98% filler. Tried making it longer but the result was even more "filler-y". Glad you got the jokes though.
Likewise

Reincarnated? Really? As what? Some kind of Genie? (RAG?)

Chapter:2

Oct 27, 2021

To:Cas_Cade

😂😂
That's interesting😂. Yes, it turned out great. Good escape👍. Yang(Yin) and Jyn's voices are great but Doren's is unique. The way I see it, this straight-to-the-point quality is in tune with Doren's way of life. A hard-worker such as him would keep things short and simple. He's got work to do.
(I imagine writing a story such as this requires lots of time, lots of rewriting and great care not to ruin it. I would know because I quit writing mine in less than a week :) )

Ohh...I wasn't too sure whether it was a misspelling or not and that's why I put a "(?)" next to the fix. Happy to hear you've found meaning for it! Excited to see what it is!

Continuation of Circular? Now that's good news!🤸‍♂️

CirCular

Chapter:6

Oct 25, 2021

Doren really has a way with words.
Best line: "Yet this stranger's face does not scream male."
LOL yeah...

Typo: "Dorren the stubborn"
Should be: Doren(?)

CirCular

Chapter:6

Oct 25, 2021

Thank you

Pixie

Chapter:22

Oct 25, 2021

I did not expect that

Pixie

Chapter:16