Sep 01, 2021
Having read this far, I'll say this feels more like soap opera drama with a flair of world migration (isekai) than actual horror. Your prologue did a really great job and while you have established connections in your follow-up chapters, other than the Kappa going to eat Hiro and the supersized Kappa (which reminded me of Bowser becoming ginormous from Mario), I haven't really felt any horror vibes reading this far.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the horror you have planned is non-existent, but such an interesting prologue not being built on feels like wasted potential. I'm not against taking time to make a good set-up, but none of the follow-up chapters except Sandman and a bit from the previous chapter connect with the scenario you presented in the prologue.
That said, I did enjoy Suzume's tinge of jealousy. I could feel she tried to endure Hiro having a new love, but really couldn't tolerate the love looking like her.
I know the time remaining doesn't give you time to do a rewrite, but perhaps post contest, this could be written to evoke a sense of dread and fear.
