Oct 09, 2022
Review?
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K doing a short review of this book is pretty hard - Because all I want to do is gush about it๐๐
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From your glorious descriptive work, invoking imagery and really exciting narrative - There's just alot to love here!
As I commented on earlier chapters the slow subtle transition of Chiffon slowly describing less, or those descriptions becoming ever more bleak as she is gradually forced within herself - Its just so good and something I've rarely seen attempted in web-novels.
The unnerving way you chose to describe the human qualities of monster - And in some ways the monstrous noes of some human as it were๐ - As well as the claustrophobic panic of Chiffon in the dragon chapter - And her weakness towards what appears frail in the orc killing chapter - We get to know her and Carmello in awesome plus enthralling detail.
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But I do have one grip, tho that maybe the wrong word for it.
It links back to my comment on the role of women in this world, honestly I would love this book to be an extra arc long - Where we could get a more in-depth understanding of this world and there-in lies my issue;
It does sometimes feel a bit means to an end.
Women are inferior to men in this world... Just because - No reason is actually given for why you would ever have folktales about timid princess'es if all royals have super powers - Again I appreciate its this worlds culture and that the princess and queen give off an image, but I felt that wasn't really illustrated in the text - It seems unclear why they for generations have given off this image so well that story's of kidnapping and knightly rescues exist ya know.
Similarly the 5 ninja guardians and the young count of textiles - Are both super bare.
As readers we except the king and queen or the baker to be plot tools, with little screen-time - But the count and the ninjas are just sort of there to move the plot along, despite seeming like they should be more important to Chiffon's journey.
Heck even the level of technology strikes me as odd - Certain off-handed phrases, or the very modern cuisine of the city - All entirely plausible but not really ever clarified.
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Now I know that sounds like me complaining alot, but I hope you can maybe take it as a compliment?๐
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I don't think any of what I just mentions actually matters much, and given this was a time limited contest novel, I can obviously see why you kept it to just to parts - Rather this complaint on worldbuilding at large is more my way of saying I wanted to see more๐ - I want to know about the world, how it got its prejudices towards women or why monsters are so near settlements - What its technology level is, where the Lu-Le-La-Etc gang came from and learned to be ninjas & in the employ of the King etc etc.
I guess what I'm getting at is I really loved this novel and aside from the aforementioned issues I draw with the cast/worldbuilding - Which is minor considering this is a character driven novel - I think you did an outstanding job and I'd be shocked if you don't make top 3 in the competition these are some brilliant characters in Chiffon and Carmelo๐.
Best of Luck,
-Momentie.
