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Momentie

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Hi there,
This is the former home of some of my novels, you can find them these days over on RoyalRoad!

registered at: Oct 14, 2021

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aaa

Nov 14, 2022

Yay time for a fight!

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On descriptions, I really like yours, espically the outfit which stands out really clearly in my mind😊😄 - However I think theres a bit too much, you could probably cut the descriptions of the maids dressing him as it gets a little much.

I love descriptions and I think you're great at them in the costume department, just keep a balance of how much ya include😄😃

Creation: The Path of a God

Chapter:26

Nov 14, 2022

To:WALKER

I still haven't finished volume 1😭 (I'm getting close tho, soon i will final have finished my contest novel backlog, soon!😅) - But great to see you countinuing on your idea😄

Red-Black Course

Chapter:27

Nov 13, 2022

K so, something i released in the more... intimate subjrct matter if this chapter😅😉 - Is how you do POV.
You swap between characters fequently, but at the same time its always narrated, and seeing as you always mark which character is talking or thinking - Then is their actually a purpose to the little stop gaps? You could freely alternate between each girls thoughts and seeing as its always narrated im not sure anything would actually change😅.
Might be worth writing some of the sub-scenes from the girl PoV/narration to differientiate them more👍

Creation: The Path of a God

Chapter:23

Nov 12, 2022

To:Creation

I think in that case you're doing good😊 - Like the example I mentioned in the carriage where Han shows he's had High End cusine but also mentions how it wasn't completely normal to him.
I think its just a case of the odd instance like this chapter where he comes off as upper-class born, once you have little discrepancies like that polished out on future drafts, then the problem will be gone - As for the most part you definetly show his lack of confidence at being wealthy in more ways than one😃😄.

Creation: The Path of a God

Chapter:19

Nov 12, 2022

Dang it Han, I've gotta add Necrophilia to your tally now too😂😅😜

Creation: The Path of a God

Chapter:22

Nov 12, 2022

I'm a little confused on Han's background - He seems to of come from humble beginings, working hard for money, going to a local grocery store with his mom as a kid etc - But he also seems to defualt to some fairly high end ideals.

Normally this balances, like on the carraige where he compares the food to top end cusine while mentioning he could never normally afford auch stuff - But then sometimes like in chapters like this, he thinks as though all hotels have a flett of staff ready to take your bags and lushus glass entrances etc - Accept, even if he has had those thing as an adult surely the more regular mid-low end hotels would be his normal point of reference?🤔.
He speaks as though top end mega, 5 star hotels are all he knows.

I'm wondering if this is just a cultural thing? I've been to many decent hotels in my country that wouldn't be up to Han's standards, but maybe his country just has higher hotel standards then mine?😅😂👍

Creation: The Path of a God

Chapter:19

Nov 11, 2022

Heyo, definetly an interesting change you've made😄 - The descriptions are very evokative which i like alot, couple things;
Personally I think the order makes it a little confusing - I'd start with him on the doorstep noticing the deadbolt lock - Then have the bit of him entering the unused computer room after or even during the moment he sees Sam and his GF - By starting with him at the doorstep you establish your foward momentum for the chapter and prevent any confusion + You add even more focus to how this incident is the start of everything in more ways than one😄.

I would also note its long - I dont know how to adjust that as I like long, descriptive books😅 - But compared to most chapters this one does feel oddly long - That can sometimes turn people away, usually if you start shorter than ease them in - It seems to work better for webnovels.
But thay is a perference thing for sure💪👍

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But ya I really like the change, definetly adds to the atmostphere plus some nice extra detailing😄😊.
Hope that helps😄

Creation: The Path of a God

Chapter:1

Nov 10, 2022

Nice parrell between Tom getting betrayed by his merchat buddies & Han being betrayed by his best friend😎👍

Creation: The Path of a God

Chapter:17

Nov 10, 2022

Can't deny i did not expect Han to become Doctor Who, having fun reacting to people seeing his Tardis🤣😂.

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I will note you maybe over used Hans name this chapter - Theres a few lines that feel a bit rigid and would flow more smothly if you just used 'he', especially seeing as Han is the only relevant male atm😄👍

Creation: The Path of a God

Chapter:14

Nov 07, 2022

I hope none of those bandits had kids or anything, the families wont even have bodies to bury😅😅

Creation: The Path of a God

Chapter:12

Nov 07, 2022

Im starting to grow concerned for hans lack of care for human life and flagrent absuive of his power poistion over his creations - My dude needs an intervention at rate😂😅

Creation: The Path of a God

Chapter:10

Nov 07, 2022

I kinda wanna know what the village does? Food is tight so it can't be much of a farming area. I suppose its focus is lumber trade considering the surrounding forests and village walls?

Also, dang Hans, nice carrage😂😄

Creation: The Path of a God

Chapter:9

Nov 07, 2022

I read mostly on my kindle, unsurprisingly honeyfeed the reading website isnt properly compatible with ereaders (lol) - Anyway point is I only realise now reading a chapter on my phone that you don't differentiate between thoughts and dialogue.

Is there a reason Han's thoughts aren't in italics or any other methods of showing thought seperate of speech? 🤔🤔👍

Creation: The Path of a God

Chapter:7

Nov 05, 2022

To:Deleted User

Not my place to say obviouly, but Tomo anyone who claims you've 'pissed them off' is probably a twat😅.

You're one of the most dedicated, polite and kind people I've met on the site - You read everything, give authors so much encouragement, ask nothing in return and are just lovely to be around😊.

Theres no one else who was better to get gold badge, you're one of the few remaining pillars of this crumbling website - And I for one think you're great - Heck heres a blog post from Veronica confiming for a fact they also love ya😉😉;
https://veronica.fanbox.cc/posts/4709804

So hold your head up high my friend, you're one of the good ones😊😎👍

Former Home of 'UnderCurrent - Can You Break The Cycle' - Now available of Royal-Road and Scribble-Hub

Chapter:0

Nov 04, 2022

Nah, no tramlines between floors Han? Shame😂.

Meanwhile, moral ambiguity is on the rise for our hero😅😆

Creation: The Path of a God

Chapter:4

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