Mar 03, 2025
So, first, congrats for completing your story on time!
A good point is that the characters personalities are quite diversified. I got the impression you tried to make sound their conversations the more natural as possible. That's nice but sometimes - I mean to my eyes of course - it lacks effect because of sentences like ( fictitious example ): "Yes ughh.. that was a thing like, I don't know, etc.".
Hence, the narration suffers from the same effect and there are a too many occurrences. I understand you wished to highlight your MC is thinking over and over about her identity concern, for instance, but maybe it wasn't the best way 🤔
Also, what bothered me was that you used both past/present tense. Especially in the first chapters. I think it occurred less at some point, though I can't remember when.
The theme you chose about memory/lack of it is interesting. Though maybe it would be great to highlight its effect on people in more vivid situations than only making them halt in the street and asking questions.
I think the narration was more pleasant in the second part of your story!
Wish you good luck!
