minatika

minatika

Avid reader and bird watcher that uses too many emojis in her comments 👍

Mostly Offline // Reading Only

My current writing projects are focused on publication so I can't post them online ❤️ If you like my work, please wish me luck as I try to become an author.

registered at: Jun 02, 2023
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    Finalist - MAL x Honeyfeed Writing Contest 2023





    Nov 10, 2023

    The switch to Amber’s POV was really a nice touch, allowing Mitsu’s words to be fully private – even from us, the readers. That moment is for Mitsu and Sakura alone.

    But now, finally, Mitsu can face his unfulfilled grief. He can face it, and grieve all he needs, so he can let go of the guilt and love that’s been eating away at him all this time. He can finally let Sakura know how much he loves her.

    And Amber, watching on, can mirror that grief in her own loss of her last boyfriend, when she thought her dream of being a Royal Beekeeper was over. But now she has a second chance, and I think Mitsu does too :bee_wheart:

    This was a very sweet ending: cathartic and yet opening the door for a new start for both of them. Even though parts of the romance felt rushed in the middle, I think this ending hit just right, and it leaves them open to get to deepen their relationship as they prepare for their marriage. They’re both in their 30s, and they’ve both loved before. I think it’s believable that they’d have a relationship while aiming for marriage soon, since they’re both adults that know what they want in a relationship and can enter a marriage with proper expectations.

    Congratulations on completing this story, and writing it through to the end! I think you’ve created something unique and beautiful, short and sweet, with the concept of allowing people to grieve from their losses and love again!! 👏 👏

    I have some feedback points I could offer, but I only like to give these if an author is interested 👍 you may already know what you'd like to work on or improve about this piece, and I prefer to encourage authors rather than critique! So I'll only provide if you ask for it x)

    Thank you for writing this story and sharing it with us!!! ✨🎊 And congratulations on making it to the top 10!!!!! :bee_thumbs: ❤️❤️❤️

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    1
    Telling the Bees
    Chapter:18









    Nov 10, 2023

    Title drop!! On the mid-way chapter :D an interesting choice, but I like it! Because Telling the Bees is entirely what this chapter is about ❤️
    Finally, it is answer time! So the bees really ARE messengers to the gods in this world, and considered holy, now confirmed in-story. (I mainly knew this detail from the story description on the book’s front page, but it hadn’t been confirmed yet in the novel until now!)

    So bees can pass messages onto the dead. Can they pass messages onto the dead of *another world* perhaps? ;) Like, say, to Mitsu’s wife? Is there hope yet?

    AHH the boyfriend thing was because of the “Royal Beekeeper” needing to be married if they accept the position. That’s rough. I wonder why marriage is required for the position? Is it like, proof that the beekeeper can “maintain balance” with their spouse, and thus they could also “maintain balance” between the bees and the gods? 🤔 (Also as an aside, looking at other comments, I didn’t consider this to be inherently a patriarchy thing. I assumed if a man wanted to become a Royal Beekeeper, he’d have to be married as well. I assumed it was more of a “you just need to be married” kind of cultural thing, not so much tied to a specific gender.)

    I’m actually glad Mitsu didn’t accept the marriage request right away though. He’s still stuck in unresolved grief, and part of him knows that. He knows it isn’t right to just jump into a fake relationship with Amber while pretending he’s okay, when he’s not. I think that’s very wise of him, even if it made Amber sad, it’s the kinder choice. (Do I think he’ll eventually change his mind by the end of the novel? Yes xD 100%)

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    1
    Telling the Bees
    Chapter:9

    Nov 10, 2023

    DANCE SCENE…WITH SKATES!!! :D It gets even better but also omg, so glad Mercy is going to offer some magic assistance with this. Dancing with skates is not for a beginner and Mitsu totally would’ve ended with a broken tailbone if some magic wasn’t involved 🤣

    (Also, slightly confused timing-wise – what is the audience doing while waiting for Mitsu / Amber to get used to the skates and finish their costume changes? An intermission perhaps? Popcorn break? 😆 🍿)

    Amber’s outfit though, an absolute HIGHLIGHT of this chapter!! If I had more hours in the day I’d love to draw her costume, it sounds beautiful!!! (Also Amber has muscles huh? I wonder if she’s been training a lot for the circus alongside her beekeeping! It’s difficult for women to build up arm muscles without consistent muscle training!)

    “All the bluster and bashfulness was gone, only to be replaced by hard-won trust.” …Hard-won? In less than 24 hours? 🤔 This line seems a bit quick to me, but I understand things have to be fast paced!! But I think if you swapped the word “hard-won” for “burgeoning” it would work really well! This is JUST where their trust is starting to bloom. So I think that word swap would make this line not stand out anymore 👍

    BUT OKAY. THE DANCE!!! It’s sensual, it’s lovely, and I can definitely feel the sense of longing that both of these characters have for each other. Ankles and legs intertwined, hands along thighs…these two certainly have PHYSICAL chemistry for sure 😆 but I’m still waiting for the emotional chemistry to click between them. Still, I think the dance sequence was just long enough and the descriptions were such that I could picture their movements in my mind and hear the response of the crowd! Personally, I would’ve made the segment even shorter, but I see other comments wanted the dance LONGER xD So I think this is just a subject that varies from reader to reader! I think what you’ve got is solid ❤️ so I wouldn’t change it.

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    0
    Telling the Bees
    Chapter:8