Aug 27, 2021
I like how the vibes it gives off and the thought that was put into the death scene and regrets. There's a lot here that could hook a reader.
Some advice though. The repetition in your sentences does make the read a bit rough. That and the info dump of self-description for the MC using "I had..." got very annoying. But the parts after that initial bit were a lot better.
I think you should focus heavily on improving these opening paragraphs as they are the first thing a reader sees.
