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kazesenken

A random truck-kun appears bearing gifts of isekai!

registered at: Sep 27, 2019

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aaa

Jul 24, 2021

"Oofer Doofer Whoopity Ass, I have another monster as your new task"

Now I have to struggle really hard not to think of the Chrysanthemum in my novel that also is called Chrys, but she's an elf that has auto-aim and auto-dodge capabilities.

I Failed As a Professional Baseball Player And Now Have To Fight Otherworldly Creatures With Nothing But a Baseball Bat

Chapter:5

Jul 24, 2021

It would help if you made the paragraphs with the action a bit shorter. That way it can help enhance every move and impact that is made.
I found some of the dialogue a little stale. The jokes at the beginning. The way the girl said that they both die if he died. I would have expected her character to be a bit more independent and snarky, like you had in the previous chapter.
Also, the bat is totally alive, "Onii-chan." *wink*

I Failed As a Professional Baseball Player And Now Have To Fight Otherworldly Creatures With Nothing But a Baseball Bat

Chapter:4

Jul 24, 2021

You never forget your first childhood friend, Bat. Be sure to give it loving strokes as you pump yourself up for battle.
Jokes aside, it would be a bit more interesting if you injected Bentley with a little more character during his talk with the girl. It felt like she was talking to a brick wall. Some responses on his part, however subtle, would help a bit.

I Failed As a Professional Baseball Player And Now Have To Fight Otherworldly Creatures With Nothing But a Baseball Bat

Chapter:3

Jul 24, 2021

It seems strange for him to miss 20 pitches in a row. I think it may feel more believable if he hit a few but they fell pathetically short or into foul territory. I can't help but feel something is off. From the mascot that wasn't a mascot, the manager not knowing about Lee - not sure if it was intentional that you're creating an unsettling atmosphere.

I Failed As a Professional Baseball Player And Now Have To Fight Otherworldly Creatures With Nothing But a Baseball Bat

Chapter:2

Jul 24, 2021

I like how you build up Bentley's character. The quirks make him feel a bit unique. Can't wait to see where this is going.
P.S. I like artificial banana everything, but not so much real banana.

I Failed As a Professional Baseball Player And Now Have To Fight Otherworldly Creatures With Nothing But a Baseball Bat

Chapter:1

Jul 23, 2021

To:Pearlyn.M

You will find out....
Anyways, I have an even better chapter lined up next. Look forward to it!

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:12

Jul 23, 2021

To:OscarHM

You can skip it then. The only part that is crucial to the storyline starts with "The next morning..."

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:8

Jul 23, 2021

To:OscarHM

I looked back and saw Bubbles comments on your chapter 2. They pretty much hit on the feelings that I had as I went from Chapter 1 to 2, and then some. And essentially, those thoughts carried forward until this point. So I don't think I need to emphasize further.

The Sequence of Kai cover

The Sequence of Kai

Chapter:9

Jul 23, 2021

To:OscarHM

The thing that bugs me how different the first chapter reads from the rest, that it can't help but feel glaring to me. It's not that it isn't good. It just really confused me.

The Sequence of Kai cover

The Sequence of Kai

Chapter:9

Jul 22, 2021

Aside from the other points that people have commented on so far. It is usually not good for a webnovel to start with a chapter that doesn't hint on what is explained in the synopsis. The chapter is short, so you had plenty of room to frame the current situation in a way that ties it with the overall plot. The thing about webnovel writing is that you want to make sure to grasp your audience right away and get them invested.
While this chapter may tie into what is going on soon, it would be better not to hide it behind the next chapter button which may or may not be clicked after reading the current one. Hope this helps.
And please, don't use Senpai for non-Japanese settings. A Japanese person hearing that used nonchalantly in English when neither party is Japanese is cringe.

The Aftermath of the Magic Apocalypse

Chapter:1

Jul 22, 2021

Training session time???

Midnight King

Chapter:7

Jul 22, 2021

To:Gurg

I have kendo sticks and it feels amazing to do while yelling "LINE!"

Jorj Cover Updated

Zero.

Chapter:10

Jul 22, 2021

Honey is just so manipulative and hard to handle. I would just die if I had to face her. Maybe I could manage a Misha and ignore her...
Love the antics that Honey pulls on people. And how brutally honest and apparent you make Honey's viewpoint is on everything.

Midnight King

Chapter:6

Jul 22, 2021

From now on, LINE is my favorite phrase for swinging any handheld object. Because I imagine myself cutting the freaking TV in half from inside of the screen.
Oh, and maybe even "God of the fucking sun..." That's a way to clear a room that wants nothing to do with you.

Jorj Cover Updated

Zero.

Chapter:10

Jul 22, 2021

The entire line of skills had me laughing at the silliness. 😂

I honestly can find anything wrong with this damn funny novel. It needs a youtube dramatic read.

Jorj Cover Updated

Zero.

Chapter:9