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Hobbyist writer, attempting to improve. Criticism welcome.
What is an Achievement?
Oct 31, 2024
Happy Halloween! Congrats on finishing. It was a fun romp. My husband got a good laugh at the Patton in Sicily line.
Oct 30, 2024
Not funny, indeed. Except the isekai part. I chuckled.
Oct 29, 2024
So he’s just like Gendo: he wants his wife back and he doesn’t care who he has to hurt to get her.
Oct 28, 2024
You warned at the start it would be steamy. I took a chance and started reading it in a public location. Don’t think I’ve ever closed a tab so quickly out of fear someone might see.
JB! 😭 Well, actually, aside from that hit at the end, he wasn’t a great guy. Has to be awkward listening to people at his funeral try to think of good things to say about him.
Oct 26, 2024
Jinkies! Looks like we’ve got a mystery on our hands.
Oct 24, 2024
The CIA, you say? Good thing everything they touch, especially in the mid-20th century, turns out so well. Mary Lou is going to get a fine education.
Also, there’s the Bebop reference!
Oct 21, 2024
Hotwiring a car? Reffer Madness was right! It's a gateway to a life of crime!
Looks like these factory workers could use… a union. 😎🌅
To:Pope Evaristus
I can’t believe you did a reefer once.
Now that you mentioned it, I can see the Pynchon influence.
Oct 19, 2024
I can just picture the chrome and asbestos.
I'm enjoying this so far. How do you come up with some of this stuff? Especially the history of the asylum in the first few paragraphs of the first chapter seem so tangential compared to the rest of the story. Seems like a lot of effort to create something like that that only lasts a few paragraphs.
Oct 11, 2024
The.
Oct 01, 2024
To:Mario Nakano 64
It’s a movie and not a book, but Parts: The Clonus Horror kinda does that.
Aug 20, 2024
TLDR: Not another magic school!
I was worried for a second when BartholomewHokageIII looked like he might be on the cusp of self-reflection and might realize that his feelings for Elizabeth were selfish. That would be very Utena core, but Utena's for mere mortals. Bring on the elves.
This is super sugoi.
Aug 13, 2024
Orca mention spotted.
Hope all is going well with your next project!
