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Live in the present and enjoy reading
What is an Achievement?
Jul 25, 2021
Ch.5 edit on July 25th. Hopefully that will clear up any confusion in this chapter!
To:sajihon
Ah gotcha. That's my bad for not making that clear. Is it the souls that Nimis was eating that was confusing? I had my thoughts right in my head, but I don't think I wrote it down correctly. I'll reread the chapter and update it! Thank you for the input, it is very helpful!
Jul 24, 2021
This story so far has got the perfect amount of comedy woven into each character’s personality. It really makes them unique. I love it so far!
Jul 23, 2021
You are quite skilled with writing. I found this chapter to be simple, but the way you wrote it had me actually invested in it. This was not the intro I expected from your synopsis so I'm rather interested in where you take this. I'll make sure to read your next chapter too.
Jul 22, 2021
You created Wynona's character really well with her dialogue, I got a good mental picture of her just from that. The writing is good and pretty free of any awkward sounding sentences. One thing is I would give some of the dialogue its own space and not jumble it with other descriptions as much as it'll make the dialogue stand out more. Great start and I'll keep up with this one. Give my novel a read if you have the time, I would love feedback!
I like your idea actually and how you weaved in the notice of installation % throughout the chapter. It flowed well with it. Your first paragraph I would go over, there's extra information in it that I feel could be removed and it would give the chapter a stronger start. I'll be looking out for the next chapter!
To:mikasajean
Thank you! He'll return in the next chapter!
Jul 21, 2021
Dialogue is great. Descriptions are good. So far I'm into this story! I'll make sure to stick with it and critic anything as you continue. Give my novel a read too if you have the time, feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Your writing improves with each chapter! I'll make sure to catch up on reading the rest.
I like your concept so far and this chapter already had improvements from your last. Keep working on showing the reader the characters' reactions and emotions instead of telling them. Describe what makes their expression 'serious' instead of saying 'he wore a serious expression' for example. Good start! If you have the time check my novel out and give it some critics too!
Jul 20, 2021
An interesting set up, I wanna know where that vortex leads. Give my novel a read too!
Glad you liked it! I'll keep the chapters coming.
I enjoyed the ending of the chapter, it sets the story up well. One think I would work on is the dialogue. With a larger cast like you have there were times that I would lose track of who was speaking. It’s an easy fix and I’m sure you’ll be able work on it in the future chapters. Good start I’ll read the next chapter!
I like your idea so far. Two quick thoughts though. For your future chapters I would work on writing in a way to "show not tell" the readers about your characters personalities and stuff like that. I would always maybe write it in past tense. Regardless I like your set up and I'll make sure to read your next chapter!
Jul 19, 2021
To:Jeriks RN
Just finished reading the first chapter. I'll make sure to catch up so keep going!
