May 17, 2025
To:Leblunk
Uggghhhhhh i did say that..
It does seem like thereâs less of that description now but the pacing is still pretty fast. Like youve cut out fluff but Thats resulted in an abnormally quick sequence of events
But i think the most glaring qualm i have is actually with Mika (or honestly characters in general). They sort of feel like animals. LMAO AND I GET SHES A âLOSER DOGâ BUT STILL
There isnât much that makes them FEEL human. Like, for example, letâs take the finger chopping scene. Sure, she chops it off, but what is Mika feeling in that moment? Is her heart racing? Is she nervous? It just happens and boom, âi did something irreversible!â
I feel like readers (ME) need something that they can relate to in the sense that theyâll be able to feel the suspense and tension of certain moments just as the characters are.
Another example would be the dynamic between Kazuya and Mika. If it was handled better, i would probably LOVE it. But besides a few small gestures and actions, itâs hard to even tell that Mika has warmed up to kazuya. I really donât know how she actually feels about all this or when the moments are when she sort of feels most vulnerable or impacted.
I read the end of part 1 tho and i gotta say, this would be a really interesting read if you portrayed things with a bit more nuance
