Aug 19, 2021
The story is good, and the main plot is progressing, but the one thing that hangs me up are the descriptions. Personally, I'm not a fan of using an adjective every time I can, so as a suggestion you could try and use some metaphors.
Metaphors are super fun to think about and clearly associate a couple of traits that you don't have to write out. A good example was when he walked into class and clearly stated "I am exhausted" after we just read about his whole trip to school. You could make a small change and say "I'm dead!" etc etc, and it gives some personality to the situation bc the dead don't talk right?
Just some thoughts that I think could help with the wordiness and keep the reader engaged! Keep it up tho, I know this was writted a while ago too ahah!😅
