Nov 24, 2022
Good to see you trying out something a bit different than usual. No real complaints so far. I will give a minor piece of advice and say that whilst you've done well to show the stakes, the character narrating is doing so in past tense. If the narrator is giving a retrospective on a tense scene, it could be assumed that they make it out all fine and dandy, so to speak. The stakes that are set are good, but my own suggestion would be to present risks that could impact the narrating character in different ways.
I don't think I've seen many death game stories from you, so I'm interested in seeing where you go with this. If you make the most of the death game setting, the reader can really become invested. Do with my advice as you see fit: I'll keep reading, regardless, and I'll try throw more feedback at you, if I have any.
