Dec 22, 2021
Hmmmmmmm interesting chapter indeed, I like the quick and efficient way our intellectual survivor sets about ticking the post-apocaliptic check-boxes + I love the detail about the metro drivers and news papers😂😉.
Honourifics and Japanese on the other hand is something I'm unsure of.
I won't be able to say until I've read more but often using such things just pulls people out of the story.
You used the Japanese equivalent of 'bast*rd' for example, but had to add brackets to explain what it meant which is sort of bad.
Further you could simply say, " I saw the lighter, Bamboo crafted shinai to one side but choose instead the more sturdy and durable wooden blade" - Something like that would entirely removed the need to add bracketed explaintions of the different styles of kendo practise weapons.
Honourifics are as I said tricky.
If used sparingly they can work well but often it's rather pointless to use 'senpai' over 'Mr/Ms/ My senior' or to use 'Nee-Chan' over 'Sis'.
Again this may work fine in your stories context but its something I guess I'll come back to as I read more.
Hope that doesn't sound harsh, aside from the incorporation of Japanese (which to be fair could be simply chalked down to the protag being japanesse)
-I otherwise really liked this chapter 😊.
Looking forward to more😎👍.
