Oct 31, 2021
To:Workaholic
No worries😊👍.
In my experience the best way to improve something (other then more traditional study and experience) is just lots of reading.
For example I'm writing sci-fi so I've made a point to try and gear my reading towards that with western books like 'Dune' and actions heavy ligth novels like 'Re:zero' and anime like gundam, Yamato or Macross etc.
It's a little complex to explain but with combat the key as I understand it is to explain enough that the audience does the rest without realising. Sort of like how our eyes automatically fill in the gaps of hand drawn cartoons.
Ergo the better our understanding of the characters and the stronger our mental image of them is, then the more effective the action will come across.
With your chapter the issue isn't major, I can image what a chimera migth look like and the beast-man as well, rather you descriptions are somewhat too linear.
When the two raiders are trying to hold off the chimera in order for the others to combine, you could communicate alot by actually being more vague, i.e;
"'Shinra and Juice countinued to trade blows with the gastly beast, The flamed cloaked young man being effortlessly parried time and again by the Chimera's intimidating apadages - All the while Mana watched as 'Jueice' laboured, circling the monster while losing bullets from his pistol, trying to land them home against the Chimera's pre-hit points".
Well I'm not expert so that's no perfect examples but hopefully it gets across what I mean😊👍.
