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Xiellion

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The webnovel author who decided he was going to write "fun".

registered at: Jun 06, 2022

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aaa

Jul 23, 2022

I'm not going to say much, but based on one of your comments here, I assume that you post the chapter immediately after writing it?

You should probably read/recheck it first before uploading....I believe it needed some edits. Although, you're probably planning on doing so.

The Dusk of Revenge

Chapter:3

Jul 23, 2022

Tomoyuki already mentioned the info dumping, so I can only suggest splitting your paragraphs into smaller parts, it feels way too crampy.

Or spread it out naturally throughout different chapters when the information becomes relevant to the plot to make it seem more like a story rather than a high school science presentation.

The Dusk of Revenge

Chapter:2

Jul 23, 2022

I agree, life is a game of choices. Where you make your OWN choices. Don't let others influence your heart, but you still consider what they have to say. It is up to you to decide whether to accept their wisdom or to reject their folly.

The Dusk of Revenge

Chapter:1

Jul 23, 2022

I'm surprised Kaden didn't try very hard to stop her. Perhaps Joseph has some sort of other plan to convince Pyro and save her from whatever happens next?

I guess we'll just see what happens...

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:14

Jul 23, 2022

Wait, I'm a little confused. The first thing notable about Kaden is his purple eyes, but then all of a sudden, his eyes are described to be brown.

Which one is it? Or do the colors switch from time to time?

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:13

Jul 23, 2022

Phew, I almost thought you were going to describe the entire surgery process with her awake.

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:11

Jul 23, 2022

I guess this explains why Pyro's able to have sex. Assuming that her reproductive system is still human, does that mean she can still get pregnant?

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:10

Jul 23, 2022

Welp, this is screwed up. Imagine being taken away from your own body without consent and being forced to work as a mindless slave forever.

Where are the fries?

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:9

Jul 23, 2022

Ooooh, spooky! What could be underneath the McMansion? An endless supply of Big Macs and French Fries?

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:8

Jul 23, 2022

This makes me wonder, cyborgs are still human. I would say killing cyborgs is pretty much the same as murdering another human being, since you would still be taking a life away. But when exactly can killing a cyborg be justified? When it loses its humanity? But then it wouldn't be a cyborg anymore. It would only be a soulless robot. We'll probably have to deal with this dilemma in the future, so it might be something worth thinking about.

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:7

Jul 23, 2022

Well written fight scene, not too detailed, just the right pace and length and quick but intense dialogues. The use of enhanced senses are emphasized here so it's easy to imagine what everybody feels like in the moment.

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:6

Jul 23, 2022

This may sound like I'm nitpicking, but you should edit out "dump trump"

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:5

Jul 23, 2022

Joe? Joe Ma--

Anyways.....do all the cyborgs actually have the same color as their color rank? Like is a purple-type cyborg actually purple? Or is it just a classification?

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:4

Jul 23, 2022

Well rich mommy it is then....

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:3

Jul 22, 2022

All right, pretty straight-forward and engaging so far. Well it's only 2nd chapter so I might be overexaggerating.

I think you should have described the technician a bit more, all I got was that he has stoic caramel eyes.

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:2

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