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Novelist ✦ Singer and Producer ✦ Isekai Enthusiast ✦ 27/M
What is an Achievement?
Jun 06, 2023
The bad shot of destiny. If it brought Nao and Takashi together, maybe it wasn’t such a bad shot after all…
It really gives me flashbacks of when I played American football. The camaraderie, and all the drilling and running we had to do 🥲 At least the girl wasn’t hurt lol
You were really able to put the reader in the middle of the festival with the descriptive language. Closing my eyes, I can imagine myself there amongst the crowd. 🏮🪭 One small note, this isn’t a critique or anything but Japan generally calls it “soccer”.
The narration, the opening, the descriptive language. This is fantastic! Defintely a hidden gem in the contest so far 💎 I’ll be reading the rest soon. As I’m curious what a homunculus might be.
As a tank main in pretty much every MMO I respect Jason’s tankiness and he’s pretty nimble too? (!!) I agree with Alice, I like their chemistry too.
Your story has really gotten better with each chapter. It seems Naoki has a knack for getting his friends into trouble, but it sort of worked out for Akari.
I think Ryoichi is my favorite character so far. He reminds me of Mitsuyoshi from My Little Monster.
His special techniques are much too powerful for Emma at her current level. Perhaps, with practice she’ll be able to take the chin-lift and remain conscious. Only time will tell…
Some big foreshadowing with “dreams must end” thrown in there. If that is true, I hope that Haru will get as much joy as possible out of this experience. They’re cute together, so I hope they can find a way to transcend dreams.
I knew from the moment he started chatting away that he was going to scare the game. Hunting + noise ≠ Food. He’s a little spacey, and I feel a little bit bad for her. I would say she’s mastered the art of restraint, and I hope he starts to catch hints. Lest they go hungry 😅
I really enjoyed the heart-to-heart between Ogden and Anne-Marie. They have more in common than one might think (and I’m quite impressed she was willing to admit her Versace was fake 👠 )
Jun 05, 2023
AI assistant-chan is my early candidate for best girl. 🖥️ I think this achieves a lot for a prologue. You get a really solid idea of the main character, and their struggles. But you also presumably get to jump right in from chapter 1, very nice!
Classic Pip, leaving for all the work but coming back just in time to taunt Ayato. 10/10 trolling.
She got Ayato good with that chick pun. 🐣 He should have known better, this is no ecchi!
Really solid start! I like your writing style, everything flows incredibly well. It’s fine for Yan to apply some of his romance expertise.
I almost went to Hirosaki park during my trip to Japan a couple weeks ago, but I couldn’t make it to Aomori. Perhaps next time 🌸 You did a good job of explaining how he’d get back in unnoticed.
