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I've decided that now is the time to write my first story. Above all, let's have fun on this journey!
What is an Achievement?
Jun 08, 2023
Loved the action scene, and there was some enticing worldbuilding and mysteries before that. Another great chapter!
I've moved a chunk of chapter 4 over to here, and added some additional things here and there. Forgive me for making you guys read the same dialogue twice! 🙇
I looked up the girl's name's meaning...uh oh. It confuses me a bit how you sometimes use - to denote speech and at some point also used "" to denote a thought. I think "" is the way to go as it's the norm for writing and most people are used to reading it that way. Using (Tetsudo's mother) to explain something I also wouldn't do. Noticed a typo: it's "the sun shone" instead of shined, shined has a different meaning. That aside, interesting content in this chapter.
Interesting first chapter, with a nice hook at the end! I would recommend using a few more line breaks here and there.
Please make regular use of line breaks to make your text more readable. There are also still a lot of errors in this text. This chapter needs some cleaning up.
#teamcrystal here! Yan was way out of line. Good that he himself realized he went too far.
To:dmz
The title says it all! If you're looking for a story about people on the run, this is the place 😁. Though the majority of the first arc takes place in and around the village. Fyi, the events of chapter 4 will get moved into the next arc, so it's not a required read for now.
I wanted to put a spin on the isekai genre, while still keeping some shounen aspects. It's a game of finding the right balance.
We've written quite different grandma characters, but I prefer a loving and doting grandmother like this.
To:Tomato
The journey is just beginning!
What a twist! I'd forgotten the title of this novel with the way this all started and was surprised by the final line, but that's a good thing.
Lovely chapter, Grace must have a heart of gold. The parents' research could perhaps make Grace into a virtual waifu when Haru's awake? Let's see where this goes.
To:Lihinel
I considered making it a misunderstanding, but I've got something planned out now.
Sorry for the confusion, it's a brand!
Thank you! Above all, I want myself and the readers to have a good time. 😁
