Oct 02, 2025
Hello there!
I just read the chapter, and first of all, I want to say that I really admire how vivid and imaginative your worldbuilding is, especially 'The Legend of Saotome', which sounds like a great mix of history, mythology, and destiny. I really liked that. :)
That said, I’d like to offer a piece of feedback from a reader’s perspective: there were so many mythic details, historical background, names, divine figures, domains, wars, and prophecies all at once that I sometimes found myself pausing to digest it all.
For example:
The origin story of the Warrior King marrying Amaterasu, the details of rival kami, the prophecy about the firstborn daughter etc. all come in quick succession.
When Kikyo is then almost immediately transported into the legend’s world, the jump feels a bit abrupt because the narrative is already so dense with lore.
To make it a bit more reader-friendly, you might consider spacing out some of the mythic exposition.
For example, you could introduce parts of the lore gradually (perhaps as Kikyo interacts with the statue, through dialogue, or internal reflection) rather than having it all delivered in one long narration by Kazuo.
Or you could use moments of action or character interaction to break up the “infodump” (for instance, after a few sentences of lore, you might cut to Kikyo’s reaction, a question she asks, or an interruption).
Despite this, I’m really drawn in by the story, and I’m curious to see how Kikyo’s journey will continue.
I’m looking forward to seeing what happens next! :)
