otkrlj

otkrlj

Every time I look at the lines, the colors, the shapes that make up Kirby… I see perfection. In this world, we need examples of what not to do, what not to be, how not to act. But so too do we need moral paragons who can show us who we could be. So we must cherish him.

Business: otkrlj6@gmail.com

registered at: Jun 26, 2021
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    Participant - MAL x Honeyfeed Writing Contest 2021
    Participant - MAL x Honeyfeed Writing Contest 2022
    Participant - MAL x Honeyfeed Writing Contest 2023

    Sep 09, 2021

    Ok, review time!👍
    I don't think this will be too long, mainly because most of what I wanted to say was already said in the reviews on your earlier chapters.
    Starting out with the plot. it was average. nothing really stood out to me, and it all soft of flowed together. some of the stories seemed to be leading somewhere interesting t times, but it was hard to follow along with, though aft of this was due to different issues.
    Characters seemed average as well. they all seemed somewhat unique, but all flowed together near the middle, making it hard to tell them apart. a ton of the dialogue seemed somewhat dull, making the tory have a sense of dullness around it.
    when it comes to worldbuilding, this is where most of the problems lie imo. The descriptions and word choice are all increably dull, making the story a slog to get through. This leaks into everything else, making the story not as enjoyable. Its the same for all the magic tools. their interesting in premis, and some of them re pretty creative, but the execution of them is not very well made. its confusing what they all do, and their purpose is not clearly defined. while worldbuilding is the lest important of the street main elements of a story (worldbuilding, characters, and plot,) I feel like here, it works in the detriment of the other two, making them worse than they should me.
    overall like reviews before me have said, it just sounds dull, like reading a Wikipedia article. I feel like with a wider variety of word choices and better-explained magic/magic items, this could be pretty good. Great job finishing, and I'm out!😀

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    0
    The Hero's Shadow
    Chapter:15


    Generic cover concept
    I Work in the Anime Industry and Everybody Hates Me!
    Chapter:10


    Sep 05, 2021

    Yay, review time! I've been waiting to review this for a while, this being the only novel I've kept up with the uploads and not binged once it was done. I truly like this novel, it being one of my favorites in the contest. it was fun reading all the uploads while working on my story, and I commend you for finishing. now on to the review.
    Starting with the plot for this review. The plot is overall strong, with a good, clear path on how they go on in their lives, and move from place to place. You also do a great job setting up a clear goal for the players and have a good direction on the story itself. I do feel like the plot weakens a little towards the end with the heavy focus on the basketball side compared to the characters, this being a heavily character-focused story and all. the story does pick up some after Lokesh gets injured, and I do feel like focusing on him was a good idea as well. the story would somewhat benefit with a little more time given to the other characters near the end, however. even with the flaws, however, the plot itself is still great, and I love the baseball portions, they just become a bit too much of the focus, taking away from the characters at times.
    Speaking of the characters, they're up next. The characters are clearly the strength of this novel, and they do a great job tying the novel together. I loved the development they got over the course of the story, all five of them. You could truly feel what everyone was going through, and you did a great job making it easy to put yourself in their shoes. I found myself rooting for Kobayashi, Keon, and the others. You also do a great job of exploring their environments, and how their locations affect them. I feel Keon and Obai benefit the most from this, with their respective cultures changing who they are, for good and mainly bad. My main issue is that the development starts to fall away near the second half of the story once they reach the pros for everyone but Lokesh. I wanted to keep hearing about their personal lives, and their development gets somewhat stunted by this, though you can see them still developing in the background. I also liked all the rivels and opposing players. Deandre felt like a real NBA center, and I liked how easy it was to hate him, even if he was somewhat one-dimensional. overall though, I loved the characters, and feel like they were developed well and were likable.
    When it comes to the world, it does exactly what it's supposed to do. Like I said before, you use the culture and location of several of the players to help explain what they act as they do. You also explain the current state of the NBA well and make it clear how the teams are positioned. Not much else to say here.
    Overall, I really like this novel, it being one of my favorites in the contest, though tbh part of that is because I love basketball stories lol. I don't give out ratings, but if I did, this story would have a really high one. You did a great job of making what I like to call a complete story. Great job, and good luck.😀

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    3
    64-Cover Page
    64
    Chapter:63



    Sep 01, 2021

    Hey, what's up! Starting out, I am glad I got recommended this by everyone on the d̶i̶s̶c̶o̶r̶d̶ I mean the hive. I had a ton of fun reading this, and I feel like it's great work. Now for the review.
    Starting out with the characters, I feel like this is where the story shines. both our leads feel full of life, going through medieval Europe. Both of them had their own desires, fears, hopes, and everything else that makes them human. The twist at the end also surprised me, but somewhat made sense at the same time, though I feel like there could have been maybe one or so more hints that the golden rose was fake. It was also somewhat soul-crushing when Cecilia realized that magic never existed. I wanted her to find magic and hoped that this was truly a magical world. I felt her highs and lows, and I felt the romance was incredibly crafted and realistic.
    While the plot is not as special as the characters, I still felt like it was strongly crafted. The journey is fun to follow, as you see the world around them. it also never gets too repetitive, with fresh villages and plot points, that help add to the overarching plot.
    When it comes to worldbuilding, it felt strong as well. I could imagine everything around the characters, partly due to the great descriptive prose. everything in the world feels realistic, with no real plotholes I can think of. the world's attitude to magic was also interesting to me, with people, not really knowing if it existed or not.
    Overall, I like what I read. it felt grounded and realistic, the opposite of what I expected, but I still enjoyed it all the same work. Good job with everything. Hope you do well.

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    1
    Volume 1 Cover
    The Knight of the Golden Rose
    Chapter:24


    Sep 01, 2021

    Hey, what's up! Before I start my review, I feel like I should preface this by saying this kind of story is not my thing. Idk why, but I get a huge American kid's books to vibe from this, sort of like an amelia media, which is interesting, but never something I was into, even as a kid.
    Starting with the characters. I thought they were good overall. nothing special, but solid in their own ways. They all seem realistic, and I could imagine them existing in the real world, dealing with their real issues. my main issue is that other than Cale, they all kind of blend together a bit, with little to make them stand out. when it comes to Cale, I feel that he is a really well-made character. I'm not too familiar with people with autism, but he seems to light up with what I know from people I know who work with special needs kids. I will say that I don't think he is my kind of character, tbh I found him kind of annoying at times, but I feel that objectively he is written well.
    When it comes to the plot, uhh, you really live up to the who needs plot prompt. The process of Cale jumping from job to job is promising at first but gets a bit dull towards the middle. I do feel like the inclusion of recurring characters like Logan really helps with this. in fact, I feel like it saves the novel. when it comes to the other half of the story, with the baby coming, I feel like it's in an awkward spot. More detail and focus need to be given to it to make it comparable in quality to the other half of the story, or it needs to be reduced to help give the focus on Cale's story. the spot it is in works, but it sort of feels awkward at times, and in a different way from Cale.
    Overall, while I personally didn't really like it, I can see the charm it possesses. I can see how certain people, especially in the anime community, could connect to Cale and his struggles. objectively, a solid work that I can feel passion put into. Good job and good luck.

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    0
    Cale's Awesome Cover
    My Autistic Brother Reluctantly Finds a Job
    Chapter:14


    Aug 31, 2021

    Ok, review time. First of all, this was a ride, one filled with pure bundled-up fun. I laughed several times while reading, much to the annoyance of my roommate at times. I loved the two main characters and the relationship between them. It felt increasable unique and original, while also somewhat feeling familiar at the same time. Snazzy in particular was a hilarious character.
    Speaking of characters, this novel is full of characters full of life. all of the main characters felt fresh and realistic... ish. The inner craziness of the novel blends well with the realistic traits, helping to make the novel more complete. I loved Seraphina in particular. Maybe it's because I just love characters like her (and yuri), but she felt the most relatable to me personally. I feel like her background is well explained, and you can see exactly why she acts the way she does. of course, the two main characters are great as well. Snazzy is a bundle of fun, and I couldn't help but smile every time he spoke, while Maribell felt sensible and relateable as well, though she seemed to accept Snazzy's Snazzyness really fast.
    When it comes to worldbuilding, it feels good and realistic. The kingdoms all seem mostly realistic and well made. you do a great job of showing how witches are treated, and how the world has adapted to them. The twist at the end really helps to solve a lot of issues with the Roswalia kingdom, and helps show how the kingdom really reacted to the decree.
    When it comes to the plot, I feel like the overarching plot is great, but at times, in the beginning, it feels a bit disconnected as they wander from town to town (granted I'm the pot calling the kettle black here.) in the later chapters, everything feels more connected, while I feel like the beginning could dissuade some readers. Granted, your first chapter serves as a good enough hook, that I don't feel like this should really be an issue. the serious parts focusing on the discrimination of the witches were great as well.
    Overall, I really liked the novel with all its crazyness. All the references made me laugh, and overall I just had a fun time reading this great job, and god luck!

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    1
    Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!
    Chapter:30