Jul 26, 2021
Ok, first of all before everything else, your themes are invalid. You cant have themes from other prompts as your my themes. They way they are, yo'll be disqualified from the compataion, so make sure to change those as quickly as possible.
Now for the review. The first thing is that you have a decent idea from what ive read. And a great cover. The execution is lacking howver.
The grammer and diction are both extremely symplistic. They need to be expanded dramticly. Descriptions are simmulat. Their extremely basic, and tell deteales extremely formually. Another thing is the dialogue. Its not written in a way that sounds natural, like you would hear from a person in everyday life. It feels choppy, with no emotion, not to mention that everyone sounds the same.
Now onto the world. You intoduce a lot of unique concepts here, that help me imagine a complete world. A lot of them are badly descibed and lacking howevet. You bring up several things, then act like the reader knows more than they do. The rift is a great example. Ive read this a few times, and im still not sure how im supposed to feel about it.
Another thing is how you explain everything. You tell, and dont really show, explaining a lot of stuff that is implird.
However, even with all ive said, its all 100% fixable. The more you write, the better you will get. Good luck, cant wait to read more!
Also sorry for sucky grammer. Typing this on moble
