Sep 12, 2021
Hum.
I just figured out Natsume was a guy in this chapter, now I feel dumb lol.
One thing though, he's kind of an ass. Like, there's blunt, and then there's being an ass. He calls Akihiro a psychopath, but talking down to a crying girl like that after she just got rejected doesn't make him much better.
And honestly it returns to my original point, of how Akihiro doesn't really seem that likable. It also felt kind of odd that he just volunteered all that information to Ayane, even though he doesn't know her at all, really. It seems kind of like it goes against his nature.
On a stylistic note, I notice you use pronouns a lot. This is good, but you don't use Ayane's name throughout an entire conversation at the beginning of the chapter. It can get confusing. Less "she"s and "he"s and more names would help flow and get a better sense of who's talking and what they're doing.
