Gerry Hines / Comments

Gerry Hines

I write original English light novels, YA, NA, contemporary fantasy, and sci-fi. Most of my work is heavily influenced by anime, manga, and Japanese storytelling.

registered at: Mar 08, 2017

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aaa

Jul 22, 2017

Such detail! Such brutality! Your descriptions are very vivid and paint cinematic scenes in my mind, and the visualization is dark and gritty, yet elegant and striking. And that's a good thing. I appreciate the tone and style you use, very mature and visceral, and doesn't rely on too much vocabulary (nothing against Strident Dragon though, whose gorgeous style fascinates and captivates me, and I don't like to compare writers with each other).

Grammar and punctuation could be brushed up slightly, but it wasn't nearly enough to distract me, and I'm not really a stickler for that unless it becomes unreadable. Also, and it could be partly my own fault, a few moments were a little difficult to follow closely, as the lengthy descriptions tended to cause mild pollution, but that's a problem I often encounter when reading very descriptive writings. There were a few times I didn't know which character was being described, and I had to backtrack a paragraph.

All in all, good work! Oh, and I see in your recent comment that you intend to edit and add more chapters. I have full intentions of sticking around and I await what you have in store! :)

All Roads Lead To Ruin

Chapter:1

Jul 19, 2017

To:DAX

Sounds great, I look forward to more!

Don't Worry, I'm Just a Mob!

Chapter:3

Jul 18, 2017

To:Jio Kurenai

Wow, it really pays to read everyone else's comments and your responses to them, as there's so much depth and detail to your story from your perspective. Also, (perhaps as a "favor" more than a suggestion), I can totally imagine an OVA-type beach episode in which Rio's [Influence] creates, erm, complications. XD

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:13

Jul 18, 2017

To:James K.

Haha, I'll disregard that *coughnotaspoilercough* XD

I look forward to the next chapter!

I Can Hear Your Thoughts, but it's not like I'm Telling You or Anything!

Chapter:5

Jul 18, 2017

Although you said this was longer than expected, it didn't seem all that long to me because it was pretty good. Jannice's secret was unexpected in a good way, and it really adds a whole dimension to her character. Even though she's a child, her situation forces her to act differently out of fear. Overall, I enjoyed this!

Don't Worry, I'm Just a Mob!

Chapter:3

Jul 16, 2017

This is a really fun read, I do admit! It may be my overzealous imagination, but it seems like Yanagisawa-kun has a bit of a sis-con??? XD Okay, I half-joke. Anyway, I'm intrigued by Karasuma-chan's sister ... you're adding a good sense of mystery with her. Maria-chan seems to be another good addition to the roster as well. And the twins are a very entertaining element thus far; they sorta remind me of the twin brothers from Ouran Host Club :P

Overall, this was enjoyable! Keep it up, and I look forward to more! Spats shall conquer the world!!!

I Can Hear Your Thoughts, but it's not like I'm Telling You or Anything!

Chapter:5

Jul 12, 2017

This chapter really gave a lot of good insight on Rio's character. I liked how she was able to let loose with her whimsical, playful side, something that I didn't fully expect. And then you completely turned the tables and revealed her darker, more sinister nature, which I also didn't fully expect! Once again, your descriptions were wonderful, and Rio's character development is progressing very nicely at this point.

Welcome back, and thank you for another great chapter!

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:13

Jul 10, 2017

The ability eludes me ... please grant me the ability! :P

This seems like it'll be a fun story, sprinkled aplenty with whimsy. There are grammatical errors, but they don't interfere with the readability, at least not for me.

Also, you said that you're redoing it? I saw that the first chapter was posted a while ago. Does that mean you had more of the story on here and took them down? Just curious.

Don't Worry, I'm Just a Mob!

Chapter:2

Jul 10, 2017

I was pleasantly surprised by the underwater city. Gaslyrok's true form is cool, too. This is going to be fun plot direction, I feel like!

A suggestion I have would be to clarify that we're following Gaslyrok at a much earlier point in this chapter. While I had a good idea that we were, it took a bit long to confirm it. Other than that, it was good. :)

Endscape - Journey on the Seas

Chapter:5

Jul 05, 2017

To:James K.

Tangents upon tangents upon tangents! :D If you desire for your character to be the internal dialogue savvy individual, then all the more power to you (and him)! And a homeroom teacher with a major role :O ... please and thank you ....

I Can Hear Your Thoughts, but it's not like I'm Telling You or Anything!

Chapter:4

Jul 04, 2017

Things are starting to get extra interesting with Fukuda thrown into the mix! I like how she contrasts Karasuma's character, which is a good move on your part.

And I must admit that I also sniffed a harem. :P Now that you've mentioned that it's not intended to be one, that makes me even more curious as to how this is going to play out.

It's a fun read. Although I feel like there's some redundancy in the narrative, it's quirky and entertaining enough to prevent it from being unreadable. I haven't read your other works, but I'm happy to hear that you and your readers think you're improving. Keep at it, and you'll definitely improve further, as well as entertain us while doing so!

I Can Hear Your Thoughts, but it's not like I'm Telling You or Anything!

Chapter:4

Jun 25, 2017

Another fun chapter. I liked the descriptions you used, such as "giraffe-like" and "opalescent" (I love that word, it rolls off the tongue).

I can't express how honored I am to be recognized as a major influence and motivator. "I'm just a writer for fun" is an increasingly prominent concept for me, especially when discussing my passions with other writers of all sorts, although I would love to make a sustainable career of it someday. It's just nice to have real conversations rather than fight through a sea of self-promotional "billboards" all over the internet.

The skewing of rankings due to Likes is something I literally just noticed this morning, so it's funny how you mentioned that just now. While I'm overjoyed to have surpassed Brandon Varnell's novel in the monthly ranking, it's probably due to the fact that he hasn't updated it in over 3 months, even though his Like count is far and away higher than mine. It seems like the ranking algorithms factor in the number of Likes received during set periods of time (I think). So while the Likes are advantageous, it's also partially aesthetic, and as I said, having actual discussions/comments is the true benefit.

Half-Paid Heroes

Chapter:10

Jun 22, 2017

In the face of criticism, Jamie marches forward! And Kirikagura is an entertaining fellow.

Half-Paid Heroes

Chapter:9

Jun 22, 2017

A dazzling comeback for Parable of the [Renegades]! It makes me happy to read more of this! :)

This is a great chapter. Probably my favorite so far. The fight scene is awesome and well-written, and I can honestly say it has given me some inspiration for my own fight scenes. Your descriptions and explanations have made notable improvements. I'm liking Viola's character so far, and I like Davis's development into the "kinda pervy and wacky buddy" type!

And congrats on your exams! I hope America was refreshing for you!

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:12

Jun 19, 2017

Yellow liquid ... I hear it pairs well with prawn sesame toast. :P

And I look forward to what Yuki will bring to the story.

Half-Paid Heroes

Chapter:8

Gerry Hines

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