Jul 22, 2017
Such detail! Such brutality! Your descriptions are very vivid and paint cinematic scenes in my mind, and the visualization is dark and gritty, yet elegant and striking. And that's a good thing. I appreciate the tone and style you use, very mature and visceral, and doesn't rely on too much vocabulary (nothing against Strident Dragon though, whose gorgeous style fascinates and captivates me, and I don't like to compare writers with each other).
Grammar and punctuation could be brushed up slightly, but it wasn't nearly enough to distract me, and I'm not really a stickler for that unless it becomes unreadable. Also, and it could be partly my own fault, a few moments were a little difficult to follow closely, as the lengthy descriptions tended to cause mild pollution, but that's a problem I often encounter when reading very descriptive writings. There were a few times I didn't know which character was being described, and I had to backtrack a paragraph.
All in all, good work! Oh, and I see in your recent comment that you intend to edit and add more chapters. I have full intentions of sticking around and I await what you have in store! :)
