Gerry Hines / Comments

Gerry Hines

I write original English light novels, YA, NA, contemporary fantasy, and sci-fi. Most of my work is heavily influenced by anime, manga, and Japanese storytelling.

registered at: Mar 08, 2017

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Oct 22, 2017

This was a nice battle scene. I find it interesting that Heart Hope has darkness powers and Heart Despair used a light-based attack.

And I was thrown through a loop when Martin called Chris "Christina", but it was a sham ...

Half-Paid Heroes

Chapter:21

Oct 21, 2017

I like the chain of command among the officers and how they go about their duties. And Ultima appears to have some conniving ulterior motives ...

Realms of Destiny

Chapter:6

Oct 21, 2017

After another accidental hiatus, I've finally been able to catch up with this. And well, this certainly took a turn with Ella being Heart Despair. Seeing how this fifth heart was the most difficult for you to conceptualize, I think it'll make for an interesting plot development.

It makes me happy when people say my writing inspires them, especially other writers whose work I enjoy. I reread Ch. 18-19, and I suspect it was the girl gamer thing you went with. XD

Regrettably, I haven't watched The Reflection or Ghost in the Shell (despite how I'm a big fan of that studio's other shows, and it's basically mandatory for anime fans), so I didn't understand what you did there. But I trust you made a good decision!

Half-Paid Heroes

Chapter:20

Oct 07, 2017

Your casual, yet over-the-top style is always a breath of fresh air. I await the advent of the third day! And hmm ... Taichi-kun seems to be falling for Karasuma-chan's lethal doses of moe, but who's to blame him? :)

I Can Hear Your Thoughts, but it's not like I'm Telling You or Anything!

Chapter:9

Oct 07, 2017

"This game isn't like being in a real fight at all..." BURN!

I kept imagining some kind of weird hybrid of Mortal Kombat and Tekken. The only fighting games I ever really played was the Super Smash Bros. series, which are unorthodox. Mortal Kombat was fun, and I stopped playing Tekken after a kangaroo mopped the floor with my bloody carcass. Pointless information.

Half-Paid Heroes

Chapter:19

Oct 07, 2017

After a morbid and revealing backstory, the main character returns to the stage! Chris's powers are cool, and although it's not the only instance of shadow powers I've encountered, it's always unique from user to user.

Mosquitoes ... no thank you. That's all I gotta say about them.

Girl gamers still make a good trope in my eyes, and the maniacal fanboys Chris finds herself tangled with are a good indicator that things are probably going to get ridiculous. XD

Half-Paid Heroes

Chapter:18

Oct 02, 2017

To:chesarka

Coming up with unique powers is a recent undertaking for me. I've seriously had to rethink my own characters' powers after watching Charlotte, Bungou Stray Dogs (I see your avatar!), and the Index/Railgun universe.

Half-Paid Heroes

Chapter:16

Oct 01, 2017

This chapter delivered a lot of good laughs, I gotta say! It kinda makes me wonder what seriousness you have in store for later. I see you're taking advantage of a contrasting technique between comedy and seriousness (and doing it nicely), one that I adore and use a lot, myself. Obviously, this Fenris character is poised to shake the shingles, so to speak. But your tension-building is well-done and getting me anxious!

The relationships between characters continues to improve nicely. That small bout between Davis and Rio alone was entertaining, and Rio's thoughts of Yakumo was a nice touch. Onward to sharing a bed, in which Lucas and Rio shall explore the frontiers of their relationship!

And that food scene ... makes me think Rio's mushroom might've been a little, erm, magical. XDDD

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:18

Oct 01, 2017

Calcium manipulation? That's what I gathered from Yuki's abilities, and if so, it's a rather unique power. And that scene with the malfunctioning copper machine was agonizing. The lad has it hard!

My only issue was how quickly Akihisa got over his injury, but I'm gonna chalk it up to either he's a badass or there's something else going on.

Half-Paid Heroes

Chapter:16

Sep 29, 2017

It's been so long since I've read this! *Looks at number of chapters* I have some catching up to do ...

I almost felt bad for that goblin being slain like that. Almost :)

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:3

Sep 21, 2017

To:Jio Kurenai

Haha so I Google searched the shirt and think I found the scorpion one in question, although some of the results looked like a face hugger from Alien. Maybe you could do your own version of the shirt with Rio "hugging" Lucas in a submission hold. :D

Honestly, Davis reminded me of James a little. I think those kinds of characters are important, not just for laughs, but for contrasting and fleshing out the rest of the cast. And yes, he's definitely growing on me!

I'm not concerned about the story taking a RomCom route. Like you said, the characters have social lives, and it makes them more realistic and believable by adding to their development.

And I'm curious as to where this "lit spark" will go ....

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:17

Sep 20, 2017

To:chesarka

It's good to know my vocabulary doesn't seem to suffer. And yes, Perfect World was written during the height of my reading days (I've since rekindled my reading, as my stacks of books piled up have never been this high). I think I've just gotten so familiar with my own style that other people's styles are like breaths of fresh air.

And now I'll have to take a look at Crying Over Spilt Blood when I get the time. I like reading older works by writers I've read, seeing where they started and where they're going.

Half-Paid Heroes

Chapter:15

Sep 19, 2017

This certainly brings a lot of light to Yuki and his character. I like a good backstory, and this first part already has me hooked! I wouldn't say it's necessarily rougher than the other chapters, but there is a notable change in tone, being darker and more serious.

I like your use of descriptions and choices of words; they're readable and efficient. Admittedly, my years of not reading has most likely damaged my vocabulary, so I could stand to learn a thing or two from your style. (I think I've said something similar before?)

And that yellow liquid ... it has me intrigued! :) Although, I'm beginning to feel suspicious of its role in everything.

Half-Paid Heroes

Chapter:15

Sep 19, 2017

I like the powers the characters wield, and the ghost warriors vs. Granadias was a cool concept. Byakuyon seems like a happy-go-lucky beast, which can be bad news for his opponents!

I'd suggest breaking up your paragraphs into smaller paragraphs, especially during intense actions scenes such as this one. It makes the fast-paced action easier to follow as it separates all the little things happening so quickly. An exception to this might be the last part of this chapter, as having everything in a run-on sentence emphasizes the fact that a lot of chaos happened in an instant.

Realms of Destiny

Chapter:5

Sep 19, 2017

And another awesome chapter! Davis's character is a great contrast to Lucas, and is a good fit for the role of "best friend who gets jealous when discovering a girl in his friend's house"!

I thought it'd be really interesting to see what comes out of Lucas's fame as an internet celebrity, even if it's just a meaningless subplot or running gag. I liked how you pointed out the specific statistics that Davis said goodbye (or good riddance) to upon deleting the video. It was a nice touch.

Also, I love the "Free Hugs" shirt! XD Possible merch?! And the long titles offered some good laughs!

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:17

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