Gerry Hines / Comments

Gerry Hines

I write original English light novels, YA, NA, contemporary fantasy, and sci-fi. Most of my work is heavily influenced by anime, manga, and Japanese storytelling.

registered at: Mar 08, 2017

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Jul 21, 2018

To:Jio Kurenai

Ah, the tribulations of pacing a story. In my experience, pacing is a very tricky thing to nail down. I feel like most people (writers and audience both) are unversed or even unaware of such a tactic.

Yes, I feel the sense of this being an action story had faded a bit. However, as I mentioned, you were able to alleviate a slowed pace with great character interactions and development while still incorporating relevant battle tactics and character abilities, so the art of storytelling is still quite intact. Rest assured, the story hasn't strayed too far, at least in my opinion.

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:23

Jul 21, 2018

Jeepers, how you never disappoint me here...

The character development of this chapter, and the several before it, isn't only fantastic, but continues to steadily evolve. Even after all this time with such a long scenario, I still feel an upward climb as the story keeps building up. Interchanging it with action and other, um, physical tension was a great way of preventing things from stalling.

Seeing your comment to TrinityNovels confirmed something for me, also. There are some obviously deep-rooted themes involved, especially on the front of building the relationship between these two, and it shows that you've had to put some serious thought into this story. I've wondered for a while (although kept my mouth shut) about the Philosophical tag for this story, and Wham! Here it is!

To be frank, I'm trying not to sound like a broken record for my praises, but if I keep saying them over and over, then I probably mean it. :) Once again, I await what you have in store next!

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:23

May 27, 2018

One year anniversary! Way to go! Can't believe it's been that long.

The parents were a nice touch. Although their time in the spotlight was rather brief, it was easy to get a glimpse of their personalities. Yumeha herself continues to be an intriguing character, since she's actually smarter and deeper than her bubbly exterior lets on. And Ichijou-san still has an interesting air about her, despite what little context there is thus far for her ... guess I'll just have to wait and see ...

The lightheartedness of this story is always refreshing, and your style makes it fun and easy to read and digest. I'll say that Taichi-kun's lamentations of being abnormal was a good addition, as his feelings are quite understandable.

On a side note ... algebra ... blehhh. I feel for Taichi. XD But I commend your ability to create humorous gags out of the mathematical processes.

I Can Hear Your Thoughts, but it's not like I'm Telling You or Anything!

Chapter:13

May 27, 2018

Your descriptions and attention to detail continue to excel wonderfully. Rio's submission techniques are always explained so well, I can almost hear the violated joints being strained to their limits. XD

The mention of the mysterious man holding the lacy clothes gave unexpected insight into Lucas's past. It seems like both he and Rio have some pretty dark skeletons loitering amidst their proverbial closets. Makes me wonder how you'll have this new development pan out.

By now it's obvious how much I adore this story and enjoy seeing your writing style continuously evolve. As such, there is only one issue I can find at this point. I feel like this entire sleepover scenario is becoming a little stale, and the awkward tension between the two characters, while still ticking slowly upward, is beginning to lose a certain je ne sais quoi because of sheer length. By no means is it a deal breaker for me, and despite the length, you keep it entertaining ... it's just something that stuck out this time around, as there are a lot of other story elements I'm still curious about and don't want to forget ... although your ability to recap has been good, so I'm not too worried.

I'm a little ashamed of myself for taking over a month to read this, but I kept it as an unread message in my inbox as a reminder that I must not slack off! You may say my writing has inspired you, and I can safely say yours is also inspiring me. Cheers to another engaging chapter, mate!

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:22

Mar 18, 2018

To:Jio Kurenai

Gah, the struggle is real. I've had my fair share of 1-hour paragraphs. Also, I forgot to mention Monster Hunter World. I've never played them, but they look freakin awesome! My own current time-waster is Persona 5. First game I bought in a while, never played the series, and totally hooked! Must ... not ... succumb ...

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:21

Mar 17, 2018

Glad to see you're back in action after that gauntlet of trials you went through ... sounds rough.

Good stuff in this chapter. Rio is terrifying, and I like your description of how she went feral like that. It gives me a sense of what she's really like under that human shell.

Without a doubt, I'll be waiting for how this develops. Here's to a better 2018! :)

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:21

Mar 03, 2018

Hey, hey! Happy one-year of Honeyfeed! It's kinda surreal how it's been that long already...

The introduction of the parents was enjoyable, as Taichi still has to play the voice of reason even with them. More development on Fukuda was also very much needed at this point, so I was happy to see her make an appearance!

I couldn't help but grin uncontrollably at the meal's description. Not only did you make it sound delicious, but I have a weird liking for food-related scenes (probably because I work in a kitchen), so I personally enjoyed it quite a bit. Your description of the restaurant itself was also a nice touch, and it gave me a pretty good mental image of the place.

Another good chapter for an entertaining story! I look forward to the next one, even if it takes a while! XD

I Can Hear Your Thoughts, but it's not like I'm Telling You or Anything!

Chapter:12

Jan 21, 2018

To:chesarka

When I first read this chapter, it didn't seem like an awkward transition. I reread the previous chapter just recently to see how it flowed into this one, but I still don't notice anything disruptive or out of place. Alex was a rather prominent character in the previous chapter, especially with the Ross scenario at the end that built up to this backstory emotionally.

I feel like backstories can be tricky to integrate, because they always risk interrupting the current plot. I know a lot of anime that start an episode with a backstory or flashback (or even dedicate the entire episode to one), and rarely do they seem so out of place or poorly transitioned from the previous episode to make me dislike it.

I looked for ways that I'd do this segue differently, but other than mere differences in our narrative styles, I really wouldn't change much.

Half-Paid Heroes

Chapter:35

Jan 20, 2018

I really like your backstories, and this was something I thought to myself while reading this before your Author's Note. That said, I think your various changes here were well worth it.

I have a Hispanic character in ANNO DOMINI, and like you said, the term "Hispanic" is rather broad. Since I used his race to give my story a wide sense of ethnicity, it was easier for me to give him that trait, whereas Alex's ethnicity seems to have more significance to her background.

Half-Paid Heroes

Chapter:35

Jan 20, 2018

Having a powerful father isn't all what it's chalked up to be! XD I hope things work out well for Hugh ... and even if they don't, I'm sure his story will be interesting.

All Roads Lead To Ruin

Chapter:5

Jan 09, 2018

I like the bit with Ross, it was a good touch. This was a good chapter overall!

Half-Paid Heroes

Chapter:34

Jan 02, 2018

Gah, the anticipation is sweltering. Needless to say, I'm cliffhanging here. The brevity of these recent chapters are leaving just enough to keep stringing me along. Well done!

Half-Paid Heroes

Chapter:32

Dec 30, 2017

To:Jio Kurenai

There were two instances in this chapter that defied traditions, the other being during the shoulder devil scene. Before the second devil appeared, I wondered if the metaphor would take a unique direction, and sure enough it did when another devil appeared (and when the shoulder angel was shown to be quite lecherous himself!). Seriously, I found it hilarious. Props for that one!

I believe I first mentioned Marilyn's cinnamon-scented aura in the first scene she appears in during Chapter 1. There'll be other occurrences of that description in the future, since I felt like it'd be a good trait to identify her character. Seeing how Rio also shared this characteristic made me realize that cinnamon-scented girls have a solid following! XD

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:20

Dec 30, 2017

With such a deep, philosophical intro, I was curious to see where this was heading. Rest assured that it didn't disappoint! What I really liked was how it segued well when the comedic tone returned, which leads me to a point: this chapter seems to feel more mature than the previous ones, but that's not a bad thing. In fact, it felt natural at this point, like the story is getting some well-deserved development.

The relationship Taichi has with his sister is a very nice touch to the story. Saki is a great character, and their interactions were enjoyable! Honestly, it blew my mind when you said the chapter is 7,000 words, because it didn't feel that long at all and just pulled me along. Taichi's descriptions about his family, along with the rest of the chapter, struck a good balance between quirky funniness and seriousness ... which is probably why I felt this chapter is of a slightly more mature tone. However, I fully embrace the goofiness of the earlier chapters too, so don't let this single comment alter your style!!! XD

All in all, good work! The long wait since your previous chapter was paid in full with another entertaining piece of your story!

I Can Hear Your Thoughts, but it's not like I'm Telling You or Anything!

Chapter:11

Dec 30, 2017

I must admit ... never have I read a more suspenseful passage on trying to fall asleep! XD The struggle within Lucas was well-described, but the shoulder devils and angel made it downright hilarious. Although it was a long scene, it didn't feel drawn out and was entertaining the entire time.

And then you flipped the entire situation onto its hindquarters when Rio woke up. I was surprised, but thoroughly pleased, when instead of continuing in a comedic direction, it took a rather serious and intense turn. Lucas getting into her head and pushing her to break ... man, I'd give that "Like" button a second smack under the mistletoe if I could. :P The whole chapter was gripping throughout, although for different reasons at the end!

Also, I may have said this before, but I've dealt with crappy machines when writing, and I know it sucks. I'm glad that it hasn't prevented you from dishing out more chapters of this great story, and I always look forward to reading more! Keep 'em coming, I'm counting on it! XD

By the way, after reading this, I now know that I made the right choice when choosing the scent of cinnamon for Marilyn in "ANNO DOMINI". And this is definitely a different scenario than what I had planned...

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:20

Gerry Hines

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