Jun 04, 2022
This is your raw writing ability. It is really rough around the edges, and I'm not even talking about the prose or style or any of that.
You must really get some kind of editor to fix and learn from your errors. There is a noticeable amount of run-ons----sentences that had to end or needed a conjunction. There are probably some fragments too, but I didn't bother to check.
Though the premise and plot hooked me, the writing style gave me the incentive to fly over words meaning there is a lot of useless dialogues and words. I was able to grasp the plot and be invested the premise, but details are missed due to the lack of polish.
Plot-wise, I honestly have no problem. I honestly don't care how unrealistic it is. What matters (to me) is the entertainment value.
This is probably one of your earlier novels, and you have great potential to improve. So, I will be watching your career with great interest.
