Mario Nakano 64 / Comments

Mario Nakano 64

It's a me. I'm an aspiring light novel writer hoping to one day see my works in anime form. I hope that my works at least brighten up your day and give you something to look forward to.

registered at: Jun 30, 2023

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aaa

May 15, 2026

Again, don't see the need for the bolded text.

Demon Hunters Academy

Chapter:6

May 15, 2026

Nice bonding moment between the two.

The evening breeze knows I love

Chapter:6

May 15, 2026

I saw that quote in an earlier chapter. It's a reference to Caelith's novel, right?

Melody: The Phantom Thief

Chapter:5

May 15, 2026

I'm going to try my best to ignore the clutter from this point on, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try fixing it.

The evening breeze knows I love

Chapter:5

May 15, 2026

Definitely looks like this will be more battle magic than phantom thief at this point.

Melody: The Phantom Thief

Chapter:4

May 15, 2026

Think the game was good. I'll try my best to ignore the clutter, but it's hard.

The evening breeze knows I love

Chapter:4

May 15, 2026

Again, I think you have some good ideas, but because everything's cluttered together, reading becomes harder than normal.

The evening breeze knows I love

Chapter:3

May 15, 2026

Also, you forgot to capitalize at the start of the "she interfered with a faulty Catalyst" paragraph.

Demon Hunters Academy

Chapter:5

May 15, 2026

Not a fan of the boldened words. If you want to put more emphasis on words, italics or all-caps are better ways in my opinion.

Demon Hunters Academy

Chapter:5

May 15, 2026

So far, I don't feel this story deserves the full NSFW label. I know I haven't read the whole thing yet, but just in case you don't know, there is a feature that allows you to just make individual chapters be marked as NSFW. When editing the novel, click the little arrow next to the chapter and select "Mark chapter 18+". This way, the entire book doesn't get marked as NSFW and thus, will be more discoverable for readers.

Demon Hunters Academy

Chapter:4

May 15, 2026

Think you might want to re-edit this chapter. This one felt really stiff, and had lots of grammar errors.

Chess Madness

Chapter:8

May 15, 2026

I don't know if you'll read this, but if you do, please consider fixing the formatting. Cluttered chapters like this tend to be avoided because they're hard to read. As a result, it's hard to really digest what's going on in the story.

The evening breeze knows I love

Chapter:2

May 15, 2026

To:SkeletonIdiot

Thanks so much for reading this to the end. When the contest was first announced, I actually didn't even consider doing a rom-com like this at first, but once I began writing, I was in the groove. Sumire is probably my favorite character too, as she was always fun to write. Thank you once again for reading this. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I shaved a cute girl BALD! And now she's in love with me

Chapter:20

May 15, 2026

I think you need to completely rework the formatting. Everything's pressed together with no spaces to separate sentences.

The evening breeze knows I love

Chapter:1

May 15, 2026

I feel the ship's name is going to be important later on.

Atk 0 Crit All ~My attack stat is negligible, so I can't help but rely on critical hits to succeed!~

Chapter:20

Mario Nakano 64

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