Mario Nakano 64 / Comments

Mario Nakano 64

It's a me. I'm an aspiring light novel writer hoping to one day see my works in anime form. I hope that my works at least brighten up your day and give you something to look forward to.

registered at: Jun 30, 2023

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aaa

Oct 05, 2025

It did look like the formatting got a bit scrunched up at times when it should have been spaced out. Some parts look intentional, such as the message, but I'm not sure on the others. It's not a huge issue, but it can fall into nitpick territory.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:15

Oct 05, 2025

One third in, and no isekai yet. I feel the buildup to it might be overstaying it's welcome a bit.

The Zodiac Covenant- Vol.1

Chapter:10

Oct 05, 2025

No clue what direction this story will take, but I'm guessing based on what's already transpired that it'll be a dark one.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:14

Oct 05, 2025

Evil tree monsters? OK.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:13

Oct 05, 2025

No, there's capitalization errors, and the deadline for editing has passed. Well, not much can be done now. Don't worry, I'm sure all of us have an error or two like that in our stories so hopefully it's not too much of a deal.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:12

Oct 05, 2025

Marty McFly's "Jeez, you smoke too!?" line is most appropriate for this chapter.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:11

Oct 05, 2025

Nine chapters in and no isekai is a pretty big risk, but I guess you want to really build up how things were for the characters before the isekai.

The Zodiac Covenant- Vol.1

Chapter:9

Oct 05, 2025

That's one of the darkest ways yet to isekai people.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:10

Oct 05, 2025

Made sure to check and see if this had the psychological tag, which thankfully it did, because holy shit, is this dark and psychological.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:9

Oct 05, 2025

It really is a shame the early chapters are so rough considering your writing has improved greatly from then until now. Sadly the editing period is over, so we'll just have to deal with it, but do take pride in knowing that your improvements have impressed me greatly and got me invested in this story where before, I was struggling to get through the chapters due to the rough structure.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:8

Oct 05, 2025

Things really got dark.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:7

Oct 05, 2025

Much better improvement with the structure towards the latter half of the chapter.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:6

Oct 05, 2025

Whoa, the formatting in the middle of the interlude got real jumpy all of a sudden.

The Zodiac Covenant- Vol.1

Chapter:8

Oct 05, 2025

So many sentences, not enough paragraphs.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:5

Oct 05, 2025

Hmm, this might just be me, but I feel you could have worded some of the sentences better, mainly the one with the shampoo. It feels a bit rough and honestly would have worked better combined such as, "Sen opened the cupboard and took out a shampoo, spilling it all over the floor. "Computer, clean this," he snarled as he tossed the empty bottle." I've also noticed you tend to break up paragraphs into groups of sentences unconnected. I'm not the biggest fan of this, so fair warning, I might not enjoy this as much if this is how things are for the entire book.

STAR AWESOME

Chapter:4

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