Jan 21, 2026
And once again, you finished at the last minute. As for the review, buckle up, it's gonna be a bumpy ride. First off, let me say for the record that when it comes to format, I'll always prefer past over present. I can tolerate present tense if its written well enough that it doesn't constantly break my immersion, which I'm happy to say you managed to do well. Another area you improved on was the texting segments, though sadly, it seems you weren't able to match everything to the perfect formatting. Even setting aside that nitpick though, I feel this is probably one of my least favorite novels from you.
It's hard to explain, but when I first started reading this, the vibe I got from it felt kind of... rushed? Maybe it was the present tense that threw me off, but compared to Catgirls and End of service, I couldn't resonate with this one like I did with those two. I feel the lack of an Isla Rock arc is a large part of this, and you're well aware of how much I loved that arc. However, I feel a huge flaw with this, that I just noticed myself after doing a quick skim through, was with Toshi, particularly, his name. Out of all the characters, he's the only one referred to by three different names, Nagumo, Toshi, and Munetoshi, by the narration, making it confusing to tell if it's one character or three different ones. That I feel might be the source of why I felt confused most of the time reading this as I couldn't tell Nagumo, Toshi, and Munetoshi were all one character. Even in the previous chapter, there was Toshi, and Munetoshi. Consistency is key when referring to characters throughout a story, especially in third person narration. First person allows you to get away with referring to characters by different names, assuming the narrator changes, third person doesn't. Thus when I read the ending, I suddenly had no idea why Toshi was getting upstaged by some "Munetoshi" guy. I was able to catch that you referred to Nagumo as Munetoshi via my skim through for the review, but even then, flipping from Nagumo to Toshi constantly will create the illusion of there being multiple characters.
In conclusion, you did have some memorable moments, usually stemming from Oda, but I feel the time crunch seeped into things a bit too much. Still, you got this one done before the deadline, so congratulations on that. Good luck with the contest.
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