Mario Nakano 64 / Comments

Mario Nakano 64

It's a me. I'm an aspiring light novel writer hoping to one day see my works in anime form. I hope that my works at least brighten up your day and give you something to look forward to.

registered at: Jun 30, 2023

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aaa

Oct 03, 2025

Another pointer I have is that I've noticed you often repeat the same words for the dialogue tags such as "Kikyo said to herself" and "Kikyo blurted out". Try mixing up the words more so as not to sound so repetitive.

How a Pink Diamond Talisman Turned Me from a Graduate Student into a Warrior Princess

Chapter:2

Oct 02, 2025

I'm going to echo Haru a bit when I recommend that you tone down the amount of words. You're being excessively descriptive with things, not to mention, cluttering them all in paragraphs. In regards to the dialogue, I've noticed that you're having the dialogue itself be all one paragraph and then having the dialogue tag start off the paragraph after. That's a big negative in my opinion, as dialogue tags should always follow the dialogue if you're choosing to include them.

For example, with the first line of dialogue, ""...WARRIOR PRINCESS!?" Kikyo gasped as she covered her mouth with her hand". This is also an example of how you could shorten things out. Believe me, I can sometimes be a bit descriptive with my works, especially when it comes to telling the reader what certain characters look like and wear, but you need to keep things fluid, otherwise, many will stop reading as it becomes a block of description after description after description. Space things out, have the dialogue tags come after the dialogue, not in the paragraph after, then just polish things up so they aren't as stiff. My apologies if this is a bit critical, but I believe you genuinely want to improve your writing, thus, I am offering to the best of my knowledge, ways for you to do so. I hope my advice helps in your writing journey.

How a Pink Diamond Talisman Turned Me from a Graduate Student into a Warrior Princess

Chapter:1

Oct 02, 2025

To:Sammi9519

Bald catgirl incoming.

En Passant Grandmaster

Chapter:16

Oct 02, 2025

To:AlexOtaku

Thanks for checking this out. I'm glad you like the humor. I'm also the type of author that values feedback, so I'd be happy to return the favor and check out your story.

Echos of Bald Loch!

Chapter:1

Oct 01, 2025

I almost thought the title was a reference to Outcast's restaurant, but realized it was referencing Iruma-kun instead. Come to think of it, I don't think you've yet to do a parody chapter title of a cooking isekai/culinary-focused anime. Considering all of Ashley's shitpost recipes, it would honestly be hilarious if you deliberately avoided making reference to cooking animes in the chapter titles.

The Day "Ms. Perfect" Snapped and Tricked the Manga Club Into Going to Another World as Supporting Characters for her Chosen One Antics

Chapter:13

Oct 01, 2025

Dust is an underutilized power in my opinion. Think about it, it could evolve into a dust storm, and those can get pretty nasty. Also, with how much Yukimura likes stabbing mouths, one of the future chapter titles should definitely parody Sorcerous Stabber Orphen.

The Day "Ms. Perfect" Snapped and Tricked the Manga Club Into Going to Another World as Supporting Characters for her Chosen One Antics

Chapter:12

Oct 01, 2025

While authors naming a character in their work "Rose" or some deviation of it is undeniably the main theme in this year's contest, I've also noticed mushrooms being another common theme, particularly magic mushrooms.

The Day "Ms. Perfect" Snapped and Tricked the Manga Club Into Going to Another World as Supporting Characters for her Chosen One Antics

Chapter:11

Oct 01, 2025

She's 47!? I thought she was in her early 30s. But yeah, this is probably the most depressing chapter yet.

The Day "Ms. Perfect" Snapped and Tricked the Manga Club Into Going to Another World as Supporting Characters for her Chosen One Antics

Chapter:10

Oct 01, 2025

So the title is "drifter". All I can think of when I hear "drifter" is Thok, the drifter, from Lego Bionicle's Piraka line. And when the Piraka are invoked, so too must the Piraka rap. Yo, yo, Piraka...

The Day "Ms. Perfect" Snapped and Tricked the Manga Club Into Going to Another World as Supporting Characters for her Chosen One Antics

Chapter:9

Oct 01, 2025

Tutorial rules and lore dump a good few chapters in. Wouldn't have it any other way.

The Day "Ms. Perfect" Snapped and Tricked the Manga Club Into Going to Another World as Supporting Characters for her Chosen One Antics

Chapter:8

Oct 01, 2025

Eshu just can't catch a break. Guess saving her will be the focus of the finale.

Our Perfect Isekai World is Spoiled by a Demon Girl?!

Chapter:30

Oct 01, 2025

Did some research and found out Southampton just broke the record for the earliest ever relegation in Premier league history. Arch really is justified in his rage. He's missing true history.

Slay the dragon? Save the world? Piss off! The footie’s on!

Chapter:3

Oct 01, 2025

Unironically, I am really enjoying this. I know it's not in contention for the contest, but dammit, you better finish this.

The Day "Ms. Perfect" Snapped and Tricked the Manga Club Into Going to Another World as Supporting Characters for her Chosen One Antics

Chapter:7

Oct 01, 2025

This was the first time I didn't get the reference in the title. At first, I thought it was Visions of Mana, but then I did a bit more digging and decided to lock in The Vision of Escaflowne as my final guess. Never seen it, but the premise does look interesting.

The Day "Ms. Perfect" Snapped and Tricked the Manga Club Into Going to Another World as Supporting Characters for her Chosen One Antics

Chapter:6

Oct 01, 2025

The dragon kind of reminds me a bit of Iris from Strongest hero with the weakest crest. Wonder if that'll get parodied as a chapter title...

The Day "Ms. Perfect" Snapped and Tricked the Manga Club Into Going to Another World as Supporting Characters for her Chosen One Antics

Chapter:5

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